


between here and there

by tatoeba



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, Long-Distance Relationship, Lots of kissing, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 22:13:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10291322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatoeba/pseuds/tatoeba
Summary: This kiss, this is the kiss he knows. Baekhyun would never want any other kiss than this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> wow so i was not expecting this fic to happen! i found this [kiss meme](http://ficmemes.tumblr.com/post/142796842670/askfic-kiss-meme) on tumblr while searching for some prompts and i had the idea to pick one ship and make a fic using all the prompts instead of doing a drabble for each for different ships like the meme was meant for. there were a couple of prompts i skipped bc they didn’t fit my narrative and i ended up adding an extra scene that wasn’t on the list either. 
> 
> anyway!!! i'd been craving to write a baekxing for ages so that’s what i went with and well…here we are, some 23k later. i'm really quite fond of this fic and it really helped me deal with my baekxing feels so i hope yall like it as well;;;;
> 
> thank you to the wonderful bianca for holding my hand through this and cheering me on and for the title!!! i couldn’t have done this without you love ❤
> 
>  **important:** this fic is NOT in chronological order. hopefully it won’t be too confusing to follow but there will be helpful links at the end that show everything in its proper order!
> 
> enjoy! :D

1.

Their first kiss happens almost two years before they even start dating. It’s when Baekhyun is still trying to figure himself out, still toying the lines of his sexuality. He’s dated girls before, he’s never been with another man. It’s something he’s never really considered, but something that doesn’t bother him, either. Maybe it will happen. With the right person. Maybe it won’t. 

Kissing Yixing probably wasn’t supposed to happen. Not then. Yixing was always soft and kind. He laughed at all of Baekhyun’s stupid jokes. He didn’t mind when Baekhyun showed up at his apartment after class and took up half the space in his small bed because Baekhyun didn’t want to go home, not yet. 

It was one of those nights when it happened. Baekhyun curled into the warmth of Yixing’s chest, Yixing’s fingers in his hair. They were watching a movie on Yixing’s laptop. Baekhyun doesn’t remember what movie it was anymore, but it never really mattered. He does remember making a joke, and Yixing laughing. Yixing turning to look down at him with fondness in his eyes, and Baekhyun thinking that Yixing was really pretty then, with his dimple peeking out in his cheek. 

Maybe he’d been tired, maybe he’d been delirious. Maybe he’d already been in love, then, and just hadn’t realized it. Whatever the reason, it’d been Baekhyun who had leaned up a little and kissed Yixing right there, on the cheek, over his dimple. 

He’d felt Yixing tense beneath him, and when Baekhyun pulled back, the surprise in his eyes. Baekhyun, instead of stopping, let his lips move to Yixing’s instead. It was a soft, brief kiss. Yixing had sighed against his lips. 

They never once spoke about it after that.

 

-

 

16.

Yixing’s lips press against Baekhyun’s so lightly it’s like they’re barely kissing at all. Baekhyun holds himself perfectly still. His hands are clenched at his sides. Yixing isn’t touching him either, save for his lips against Baekhyun’s, but Baekhyun’s not sure that counts either. It’s unlike any of the kisses they’ve shared over the years. It’s unreal. It’s fake. It’s empty, and Baekhyun is breaking. 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing whispers when he pulls back. “Baekhyun, look at me.” 

Baekhyun doesn’t even remember when he closed his eyes. He opens them, even though he doesn’t want to. Even though the darkness seems more welcoming than the sight of Yixing’s sad, sad gaze. The frown of his lips. The wrinkle between his brows that Baekhyun used to kiss away with a laugh. He drops his gaze. They land on the suitcase beside Yixing’s feet, and that...that’s worse. 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says again, but Baekhyun doesn’t think he can do this. 

He takes a step back. “Just. Just go, Yixing,” he says. His voice comes out all wrong. He sounds mad. He’s not mad. He isn’t. He’s just. Broken. “Your cab is waiting. You’ll miss your flight.” 

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Yixing says softly, and yet Baekhyun can hear the desperation in his voice, the urgency, as if Baekhyun will change his mind in the next five seconds. 

“It does,” Baekhyun says even though it pains him to do so. He’s being stubborn. Yixing had said so, when they’d fought about this, two weeks ago, and nearly everyday since. They never fight, but it’s all that Baekhyun seems to remember these days, the pain, the anguish. “You’re--You’re leaving. I have to stay. That’s all there is to it.” 

Yixing sighs, a deep, troubled sigh. Baekhyun chances a look back up at him. He looks tired, now. Baekhyun tries not to cry. “I love you, Baekhyun,” Yixing says, and Baekhyun’s breath catches in his throat. He was not--He wasn’t expecting this. Not this. “I’ll always love you.” 

Baekhyun opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know what’s left to say. Yixing, beautiful, sweet, kind, perfect, Yixing, just gives him a small smile, takes his suitcase in his hand and whispers, “Goodbye.” 

Baekhyun stands in the entryway of their-- _his_ \--apartment until he can no longer hear the sound of Yixing walking down the hall. Then, only then, does he crumple to the floor and lets the tears come, the ghost touch of Yixing’s last kiss lingering on his lips.

 

-

 

9.

“You realize I’m only going to be gone for a few hours right?” Baekhyun teases. “I’m just going to help Chanyeol move.”

“So?” Yixing pouts, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Baekhyun’s waist. He’s making it more and more difficult for Baekhyun to move, keeping him practically trapped in his lap as if that will prevent Baekhyun from leaving. “You just got home and now you’re leaving again. I thought we were gonna spend tonight together.” 

“We still can,” Baekhyun laughs. “When I get back.” 

Yixing harrumphs loudly like this is the worst possible turn of events. “I see how it is,” he says. “You just like Chanyeol more than me.” 

“You’re right,” Baekhyun says with a deep sigh, even though he’s struggling to keep a straight face. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you for ages. Thing is, I’ve been in love with him for years and--” 

Baekhyun cuts off abruptly with a shrill squeal when Yixing’s fingers attack his sides, tickling up his torso before slipping underneath his shirt for an even more direct assault. “I’m kidding, I was just kidding!” Baekhyun laugh-shrieks, scrambling off Yixing’s lap and to the couch, trying to fight him off. 

Yixing, laughing, too, now, follows, and manages to pin Baekhyun down to the cushions, hands on either side of his head. Baekhyun swallows thickly as he looks up at him and, suddenly, he’s thinking maybe he should tell Chanyeol he can’t make it, afterall. He can find someone else to help him move the last of his shit to his new apartment. 

As if he can read Baekhyun’s mind, Yixing says, “Stay.” 

“I can’t,” Baekhyun pouts. “It’s only for a few hours.” 

Yixing eyes him for a moment, like he’s trying to figure out if there’s any other way he can change Baekhyun’s mind, but then he sighs and draws back, releasing his hold on Baekhyun to instead slump back against the couch. “Okay,” he says, patting Baekhyun’s knee. “You should go before you’re late.” 

Baekhyun pulls himself up and straight into Yixing’s lap. He grins at the surprised look on Yixing’s face, cups his cheeks in his hands, and kisses him firmly, fully on the mouth. “Be back soon,” he says after, as he stands up, chuckling at the dazed look in Yixing’s eyes. “Don’t miss me too much.” 

“I always miss you, Baekhyun,” Yixing says softly, and even though it is for a few hours, Baekhyun knows that he’s gonna miss Yixing, too.

 

-

 

7.

Baekhyun, as a rule, tries not to drink too much. He’s never built up the tolerance for it and he’s not so sure he even likes the taste. It’s safer for him, to maybe have one beer and then stick to some water or a nonalcoholic cocktail. It’s better for his wallet, too. 

But tonight, tonight is Junmyeon’s birthday and he’d told everyone all the drinks were on him, which is the opposite of what anyone should be doing on their birthday, honestly, but who is Baekhyun to judge? Especially after the three drinks he’s already had, Baekhyun can barely judge anything at all, not when he can hardly walk straight. The vodka shots he’d had earlier with Chanyeol probably weren’t the best idea. 

Speaking of Chanyeol, he’s right in front of Baekhyun’s face now, his large hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders to keep him still. “Are you okay?” he asks in a loud voice to be heard over the music. They’re standing in the middle of the dance floor. There are bodies bumping into Baekhyun from every which side, but he’s not bothered. He smiles up at Chanyeol. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, waving him off. “I’m gonna go find Yixing--yeah, gonna find Yixing.” 

“Okay buddy,” Chanyeol says with a laugh. “Be careful.” 

Baekhyun waves back at him again as he fights his way through the crowd and toward the bar where he last remembers seeing Yixing before Chanyeol and Jongdae had dragged him to dance. Once Baekhyun makes it to the bar, he can’t find Yixing anywhere. He scans the people along the counter, stands up on his tiptoes to look over heads, almost falls right over because he’s drunk as fuck and he really should go home. He will go home, he thinks, if he can find Yixing. Yixing will help him, take care of him. Yixing will laugh and tell him he should’ve been more careful about his drinking, apologize for not watching out for him. Yixing will kiss his forehead and lace their fingers together and lead him back to their apartment, curl up in bed with Baekhyun until they fall asleep. 

If only Baekhyun could _find_ him. 

It shouldn’t be this hard, he thinks. Maybe he’s drunker than he thought. Everyone sort of blends together in the club. He squints through the dim lighting, tries to remember what Yixing was wearing. A red--no, a blue shirt. Tight jeans. Baekhyun walks away from the bar when it starts to get more crowded, squeezes his way around people, tries to keep himself upright as much as possible when he’s starting to feel tired, his limbs a little heavy, his head pounding. 

Then, finally, he sees him. Standing over by a booth and talking to someone who looks kind of like Junmyeon but Baekhyun’s not sure. He doesn’t remember Junmyeon wearing such awful cargo pants but who knows, maybe Baekhyun forgot. It doesn’t matter much anyway. 

He makes his way over easily and practically dives into Yixing’s arms. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he whines, rubbing his cheek against Yixing’s chest. “Let’s go home? I’m so tired.” 

Hands settle on Baekhyun’s hips and they feel simultaneously warm and unfamiliar. He blinks up at the slightly blurred face in front of him. He’s definitely drunker than he thought. “You want to go home?” Yixing says, except, it doesn’t really sound like Yixing? Baekhyun’s not sure, maybe it’s just because of all the noise in the club, the music blasting from the speakers. 

“Yeah,” he says with a nod that flops all his hair into his face. He blows it out of the way and when he looks back, Yixing is suddenly even closer and he’s wrapping an arm around Baekhyun’s waist, gently patting his back, and Baekhyun is tired and drunk and warm and doesn’t really think about it, just tilts his head up to give him a kiss. 

The second it happens though, Baekhyun knows. He knows it’s wrong, knows this definitely _isn’t_ Yixing, but before he can react, he’s being pulled away by a firm, familiar hand around his elbow and it’s Yixing’s actual voice that’s saying, “Hey, back off. He’s with me.” 

The abject panic of realizing he just _kissed_ someone else, almost _went home_ with someone else, has somehow cleared the fuzz out of Baekhyun’s brain. Now that he looks, really seems to _look_ , it’s obvious that this guy isn’t Yixing. Sure he’s the same height, and is also wearing a blue shirt, but his face, his body, everything about him is not Yixing, and Baekhyun can't believe he’s been so stupid. 

“Yixing,” he whispers, “I’m sorry I didn’t--” 

“It’s okay,” Yixing says, smiling that warm, indulgent smile of his. But then his gaze darkens and he looks Baekhyun over with a swift glance. “Did he do anything to you?”

“Hey, _he’s_ the one who practically jumped me!” Not-Yixing says. “And who the fuck do you think you are? Maybe he wants to come home with me.” 

“I don’t,” Baekhyun says quickly and Yixing, sweet, kind, Yixing who rarely gets mad about anything, looks furious right now as he turns back to the other guy and says, in a low voice, “He’s my boyfriend. He’ll be going home with me. You can forget all about this now, okay? It was just a little misunderstanding.” 

Not-Yixing looks like he wants to argue, but Yixing doesn’t stick around to give him the chance. He’s grabbing Baekhyun’s hand and dragging him away in the opposite direction and they don’t stop walking until they’re outside the club, the chilly night air like a smack to Baekhyun’s face. Fuck, he thinks as his brain clears a little more. Fuck. 

“Oh my god,” he groans, dropping his face into his hands. “I can’t believe that just happened. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.” 

“You’re not,” Yixing says amazingly, except not really because Yixing is amazing and of course he won’t blame Baekhyun for this, for being such a dumbass. “You were just drunk. I’m glad I found you before anything happened.” 

“I kissed him,” Baekhyun murmurs, lowering his hands just enough to meet Yixing’s eyes. 

“You’ve kissed a lot of people when drunk, Baekhyun,” Yixing laughs. He takes Baekhyun’s hands in his and pulls them down fully, then tugs gently until Baekhyun walks into his chest. When Yixing wraps his arms around him, Baekhyun sighs deeply in relief. He knew something was wrong, before. He would’ve figured it out, he’s sure, but he’s glad Yixing found him before it got that far. 

“I’m still sorry,” Baekhyun says. 

“I know,” Yixing replies, rubbing his palm up and down Baekhyun’s back. “Like I said, I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

Baekhyun swallows thickly and closes his eyes as he leans his forehead against Yixing’s chest. He inhales deeply, and lets it out slowly. Yixing smells a lot like sweat and beer and the lingering musk of his cologne. It’s familiar and warm. “Can we go home?” he asks and doesn’t even care that his voice sounds a little soppy. 

“Of course,” Yixing says, and he pulls back just enough that Baekhyun has to look up at him again, and smiles when Yixing kisses him. This kiss, this is the kiss he knows. Baekhyun would never want any other kiss than this.

 

-

 

2.

The practice room is dark when Baekhyun walks in. He frowns, confused, because he’s sure Yixing said to meet him here and Yixing would’ve texted him if that had changed. The sliver of light from the hall behind Baekhyun as he holds open the door doesn’t show off much other than the hardwood dance floor. It’s silent. 

Baekhyun feels around on the adjacent wall for the lightswitch and soon enough the overhead lights flood the room. He squints from the sudden brightness, lets the door fall shut behind him, and finds Yixing on the small couch against the opposite wall, asleep. 

Baekhyun chuckles. He should’ve guessed. It’s not the first time this has happened, Yixing working himself too hard, taking a short break that turns into hours. Someone might’ve turned off the light in the room without even noticing Yixing was there. 

Shaking his head, Baekhyun sets his backpack down by the doorway and heads over to check on his friend. Yixing’s wearing his usual black dance pants and a gray hoodie that’s seen better days, the hood pulled over his head. Baekhyun crouches down beside his head and sighs. He just looks at him, for a moment. It’s not the most ideal place in the world to sleep, but Baekhyun is glad Yixing’s sleeping at all. The upcoming dance show has made Yixing all the more neurotic about his work. He’s spent more time in the practice rooms than at his apartment, even canceling on lunch and dinner with Baekhyun a few times that it really started to worry Baekhyun. 

Yixing usually gets like this, and usually he’s comes out of it okay, but it still makes Baekhyun more concerned than he could ever explain. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he looks thin, like he hasn’t been eating well. It’s part of why Baekhyun is here, today. He’d whined and begged and complained, had told Yixing he _can’t_ cancel on him again or Baekhyun wouldn’t bother to even go to his dance show. 

It’d been an empty threat, they both knew it, honestly, because there was no way Baekhyun wouldn’t go, but it’d done the trick. Yixing had acquiesced and Baekhyun is here to pick him up, but now wonders if maybe he should let Yixing sleep, after all. 

“You’re so dumb,” Baekhyun murmurs at Yixing’s sleeping face. “You need to take better care of yourself.” 

Yixing continues to slumber on, and Baekhyun sighs. He reaches out gently to push back Yixing’s hair from his face, lets his fingertips trail down from his temple to the soft curve of his cheek to his jaw. “I haven’t seen you in days and you’re asleep,” Baekhyun says. “You were supposed to be all excited to see me.” 

Baekhyun lets out a frustrated, exasperated huff at himself. He should wake Yixing up but he can’t quite bring himself to do it. Instead he continues to watch him sleep, drinking in the way his eyelashes fan out dark against his pale skin, the beautiful slope of his neck, the sharp jut of his collarbone peeking out from the strap of his tanktop that his hoodie isn’t covering. He’s still wearing his sneakers. His socks are mismatched. 

Baekhyun is so in love with him. 

His eyes fall onto Yixing’s face again, the soft plush curve of his lips. It’d be so easy, to kiss him right now, the way Baekhyun has thought about for so long. He doesn’t even really remember when the shift occurred, when Yixing went from being just a friend to being the person Baekhyun was thinking about all day, everyday. Maybe a year ago, or a month. Maybe it’d started way back when Baekhyun was still in his second year and they’d been curled up in Yixing’s bed and they’d kissed, just once. Maybe that had been the day to really change everything, even though Baekhyun hadn’t realized it until now. 

It probably doesn’t matter in the long run, what started it. What changed. Baekhyun isn’t afraid of these feelings. He thinks maybe he’s always been a little in love with Yixing. Someday he might be able to tell him, someday, maybe, Baekhyun will be able to kiss him for real. 

Tonight he just smiles down at Yixing’s beautiful sleeping face and thinks it’s okay. This is enough.

 

-

 

3.

Yixing’s lips are soft and full against Baekhyun’s own. A tiny gasp falls from them as Baekhyun kisses him a little harder, a little more desperately, all of his feelings, everything that has built up over the years, pouring into the touch of their lips against each other. This, in all reality, is their first kiss, not the one they’d shared years ago when Baekhyun hadn’t been sure of himself. It’s this, it’s this one that will matter, that will change everything. 

And just as that thought fills Baekhyun’s mind, he jerks back, horrified, because this--this isn’t how he wanted this to happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen at all, really, not until Baekhyun knew, not until he was sure that Yixing liked him back. 

“Oh my god,” he breathes, his heart racing like mad in his chest. Yixing is looking at him with a stunned expression, lifting a hand to touch his lips. Baekhyun’s own lips are tingling but he can’t even delight in it, not when he’s probably ruined everything. “I--I’m sorry, Yixing. I’m--fuck.” He doesn’t, can’t, say anything more, just turns on his heel and runs out of the apartment. 

It’s his own apartment so he has no idea where he’s going to go now. He doesn’t have anything with him. Not his keys or his wallet. His phone is sitting on the coffee table where he left it when Yixing had come over to help him with his Mandarin homework. Fuck, Baekhyun groans as he walks briskly down the street. He bumps into a couple of people who grumble loudly at him as they pass but Baekhyun barely looks back, barely reacts. 

He ends up at the cafe where Minseok works. Minseok who is rational and smart and will probably not laugh at Baekhyun too much if he wanders in and tells him how much of an idiot he is. Minseok who will probably give him a muffin on the house just to make sure Baekhyun doesn’t start crying on his countertop. He’s not sure if Minseok is working but when he walks into the cafe, he breathes a sigh of relief at seeing him at the register, smiling at a customer. 

“Oh, Baekhyun,” he says cheerfully when Baekhyun wanders over. “What can I--Are you okay?” 

“I fucked up,” Baekhyun whines, practically throwing himself over the counter. He’s being dramatic, he knows, but he really does feel like he ruined everything. How could one little kiss, something that Baekhyun has dreamed about for so long, make him feel so awful? 

“Hey, get up, come over here,” Minseok says as he rounds the counter and pulls Baekhyun to a table toward the corner. He sits Baekhyun down and hovers above him. “What happened?”

“I kissed Yixing,” he says, staring at Minseok’s shoes. They’re nice shoes. Kind of fancy. The kind you’d wear to a job interview or something. Baekhyun only owns ratty sneakers. Yixing would never want to date someone who doesn’t even have a pair of nice shoes. 

“You--oh, wow. Okay.” When Baekhyun looks at Minseok, he’s a little surprised, but then he’s smiling. “Did you tell him that you liked him first?” 

“N-No.” 

“Did you _after_?” 

“Would I be whining to you if I had?” Baekhyun says. 

“Yes,” Minseok says. “But only if it turned out badly. You don’t know that it did.” 

“I’m pretty sure it did,” Baekhyun says sadly. “Yixing is so amazing and I--” 

“You’re amazing, too, Baekhyun,” Minseok says, poking Baekhyun in the forehead. “You don’t think Yixing thinks the sun shines out of your ass?” He laughs. “He’s always looking at you the way you look at him. The two of you are just so oblivious you never notice.” 

Baekhyun’s pretty sure his heart is going to collapse in on itself. “You--You think Yixing likes me back?” he breathes. “No way.” 

“Well, you won’t know for sure unless you ask him,” Minseok says sagely. “You owe him an explanation for kissing him now, too, Baekhyun.” 

“I know that,” Baekhyun says, pouting a little. He knows he made it all worse by running off but the idea of staying there to see Yixing’s rejection was far more horrifying. “I just...I can’t. Not yet.” 

Minseok eyes him for a moment, then pats his shoulder twice, comfortingly. “I’ll get you a muffin,” he says. “But once you finish eating it, you’re going back to talk to Yixing. Okay?”

Baekhyun nods and Minseok leaves him to stew quietly in his seat. He picks at the muffin Minseok brings him as slowly as he can, stalling, because he doesn’t know what to do when he goes home. He doesn’t even know if Yixing is still there. If Yixing had packed up his things and went home. If Yixing even wants to see him. 

Baekhyun has to see him, though. This much he knows. He has to explain everything. And then, well. Then he can curl up in bed and let the regret consume him. 

He leaves before Minseok has the chance to throw him out. It’s growing dark now, the sun setting behind the towering buildings. Baekhyun’s in a simple shirt and jeans and he rubs his arms to fight the chill that’s picked up as he walks slowly back home. He runs his confession over and over again in his head. Yixing, I like you. I love you. I’m sorry for kissing you, but I couldn’t--

Nothing sounds good enough. 

He circles his block twice before he starts to climb the stairs up to his floor. He’s cold and he’s scared. Yixing is one of his closest, most important friends, and Baekhyun...Baekhyun has ruined everything. 

The door to his apartment is still unlocked. The lights are on when he steps inside. He’s barely taken off one shoe before Yixing comes hurtling around the corner. The second he sees that it’s Baekhyun, clear relief washes over his face and he pulls Baekhyun into his arms. 

“Oh thank god,” he says into the crook of Baekhyun’s neck. “You’re okay. I thought--You were gone for hours, Baekhyun, where did you go? Why did you leave like that?” 

“Yixing,” Baekhyun whispers, stunned by this greeting. He really thought Yixing would have gone home. Instead he’s been here, waiting for him. Worried about him. A fleeting spark of hope lights up in his chest. “I’m sorry, I just--” 

“You’re freezing,” Yixing gasps, pulling back to hold Baekhyun at arm’s length. “Come on, let me get you a blanket or something warm to eat? Soup? I can make tea instead--” 

“ _Yixing_ ,” Baekhyun says loudly, sharply, and Yixing stops talking altogether, stops pulling Baekhyun toward the kitchen. “I’m fine. Really. I just.” He sighs deeply and runs a hand through his hair. “Can we talk, first?” 

Maybe Yixing’s remembering what happened before, remembering just why Baekhyun had run out of the apartment, because his lips form a tight line and he nods. Baekhyun pulls his hand out of Yixing’s and goes to sit on the couch. All their notes and books are still laid out on the coffee table. He stares at the doodles Yixing had drawn into the margin of Baekhyun’s notebook and says, “I’m sorry for running out, but more than that, I’m sorry for kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“You didn’t mean it?” Yixing asks quietly. He’s still standing toward the opposite edge of the couch. 

“It’s not that I didn’t mean it,” Baekhyun says slowly. He licks his lips. “The truth is. I like you, Yixing. I think, god, I think I’m in love with you, and it’s not fair that I just kissed you like that, out of nowhere, without even telling you how I felt, or even knowing how _you_ felt. I was being selfish, I was only thinking about myself, and my feelings, and I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid of me, and I’m really sorry, Yixing, I’m--” 

“Baekhyun, stop,” Yixing says, cutting over Baekhyun’s words. He realizes he’s been rambling but he couldn't help it. All the worries from the past few hours just spilled right out of him. “Did you mean all of that?” 

“I--Yes.” 

“So you regret it? You regret kissing me?” 

Baekhyun blinks at him, not really sure where this is going, but he bites his lower lip and nods. “I mean, well, I didn’t mean to do it,” he says slowly, watching as Yixing walks over to him and finally sits down on the couch. Their knees bump together, but neither make a move to put more space between them. “And, I’ll regret it, if you don’t feel the same. Or if you hate me because of it. Or if you decide you don’t want to see me again, I--” 

“Baekhyun, I don’t hate you,” Yixing says, and just those words, those few words, slam relief into Baekhyun’s body. He didn’t really think Yixing would hate him, but he’d wondered, worried, feared, that maybe, just maybe he would, and it’s so freeing, to know that he doesn’t. “I could never hate you.” 

Baekhyun nods at him. He doesn't know what to say.

Yixing smiles at him, tilting his head to the side a little curiously as he asks, “Do you want to know why I could never hate you?” 

He’s taking Baekhyun's hands in his now, gently, carefully, lacing their fingers together, and Baekhyun, Baekhyun is pretty sure he can’t breathe, right now. He thinks he’s hallucinating, because Yixing is smiling at him, talking to him, holding his hands, looking at him with the same soft look he’s always given Baekhyun, and oh. Oh. He remembers, suddenly, what Minseok had said, thinks about what it _means_ , and he whispers, “Why?” 

“Because, Baekhyun,” Yixing says softly, surely, “I love you, too.” 

It takes longer than it should, probably, for Yixing’s words to register in Baekhyun’s brain. At first it’s as if all the white noise of his own uncertainties and fears block Yixing’s confession out, but then, as the seconds pass, as he stares at Yixing, feels the warmth of his touch, the indulgent curve of his smile, it hits him, hard, and fast, and leaves him even more breathless than he was minutes before. 

“Wha-What?” he gasps, because this--This can’t possibly be happening, can it?” 

“I love you,” Yixing says, like he doesn’t even have to think about it, like he doesn’t even have to will himself to speak the words. He says it as easily as he says anything else, as certainly and proudly as he dances, as he sings, as he shows Baekhyun the latest song he wrote on his guitar, as he shows up to Baekhyun’s apartment with food from his favorite restaurant and a smile on his handsome face. 

Baekhyun knows, without a doubt, that this isn’t a cruel joke, that this is Yixing, telling him the truth, telling him how he feels, that he feels exactly as Baekhyun does. “You love me,” Baekhyun says, as if reassuring himself. “What the _fuck_?” 

That has Yixing laughing, loudly and unbidden, his eyes curving into little crescents, his dimple shining in his cheek. He’s beautiful and he loves Baekhyun. Is he dreaming? 

“Come here, you idiot,” Yixing says, tugging at Baekhyun’s hands until there’s barely any space between them. “Don’t run away this time, okay?” 

And before Baekhyun can even think of what he means, Yixing’s releasing his hands to instead cup his face and plant a kiss to Baekhyun’s lips. 

It’s as wonderful as the last one, even moreso because this time there is no regrets, no sudden fear that he’s ruined everything. There’s just the soft, gentle press of Yixing’s lips, the warmth of his hands on Baekhyun’s cheeks, the breathless little sigh of relief that Baekhyun feels deep in his chest. 

It doesn’t last long, barely even longer than the kiss earlier, but it’s enough. More than enough. When they part, Yixing is looking at him so fondly, so full of what can only be love, and Baekhyun doesn’t know how he never saw it before, how he could have been so blind. He pulls Yixing close, wrapping him up in a hug and pressing his face into his shoulder because he thinks if he looks at Yixing any longer he might do something embarrassing like cry. 

“I can’t believe this is happening,” he laughs, and Yixing chuckles, too, sliding a hand up to softly pet through Baekhyun’s hair. 

“What’s so hard to believe?” 

“Everything,” Baekhyun says, and lets Yixing pull back to look at him again. 

“Well, then I’ll just have to tell you again and again, until you do,” Yixing teases. He brushes Baekhyun’s hair back from his face. “I love you, Baekhyun.” 

Heat floods Baekhyun’s face. He curls his fingers into the fabric of Yixing’s soft sweater. “You should,” he says, as petulantly as he can, trying to joke, because that’s always been the easiest way for Baekhyun to deal with situations like this. 

“I love you,” Yixing says again. He trails his hand down from Baekhyun’s hair to the back of his neck. “I love you.” He tugs gently at Baekhyun’s elbow with his other hand, tugs until Baekhyun has nowhere to go but forward, closer, laughing incredulously as he ends up in Yixing’s lap. Yixing’s grinning now, too, his eyes are shining, he rests his hands on Baekhyun’s hips. “I love you.” 

“Stop,” Baekhyun whines. He’s blushing like mad, he can feel it. He probably looks like a tomato, and his heart is going to beat right out of his chest at any second, but he’s never felt more happy than he does right now. Never felt so sure, so certain, about how much he loves Yixing, and how much Yixing clearly loves him. “You’re so embarrassing. Is this what dating you will be like?” 

“Maybe,” Yixing says. “I think you’ll like it, though.” 

“Maybe,” Baekhyun echoes teasingly. “Probably.” When Yixing gives his waist a little pinch, Baekhyun laughs and admits, “Okay, you’re right, I know I will.” 

“That’s what I thought,” Yixing says with a nod. He’s smiling still, looking at Baekhyun like he’s the only thing he sees, the only thing he will ever see, and Baekhyun is so full of love he doesn’t know how to contain it. 

Kissing Yixing seems like a good option. 

“I love you,” he says, and he watches the way Yixing’s face lights up before he leans forward to press their lips together once again.

 

-

 

11.

Baekhyun basks under the warm sunshine, spread out on his comfy pool chair, sunglasses on and headphones in. This is the best way to enjoy the pool, he thinks. Without actually getting wet. On the chair beside him is Kyungsoo, who is for some godforsaken reason wearing a black shirt with his swim shorts and reading a book. Further down the line is Jongin, lying on his stomach and basking, like Baekhyun, all beautiful bronzed skin on display. There’s a group of girls at the edge of the pool that have been eyeing him for the past hour but Jongin hasn’t noticed. Baekhyun’s pretty sure he’s fallen asleep. 

Not that it’d matter anyway. They’re here at this fancy hotel for Jongin’s wedding. The only girl he ever notices is Soojung. 

It makes Baekhyun smile as he turns looks away, shifting a little in his seat to get more comfortable. He stares up at the sky, bright blue and cloudless, and thinks about how much they’ve all grown up that Jongin is getting _married_ now. Baekhyun still remembers the young, fresh-faced first year that’d almost run into him on his way to meet Yixing in the dance studios. He’d met Jongin properly a few days later, when Yixing himself had introduced him, patting Jongin on the back and saying, “You should see this kid dance. He’s amazing,” and Jongin had blushed to the tips of his ears. 

He’s still that cute, but wiser, older. The wedding is in four days. Jongin and a few of the others, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Yixing, had come down to the hotel early, extending their stay to calm Jongin down from his mild panic. Jongin had said he didn’t want or care about having a bachelor’s party, and that just spending a few days together with the guys would be better. His best friend, and best man, Taemin, is supposed to be by later, and they’re planning to rewatch as much of DBZ as they can before the wedding. Soojung is on a small trip with her bridesmaids and won’t be in until the the day before. They’ve been texting each other almost constantly despite being apart. It’s cute. 

A sudden splash of water that hits Baekhyun right in the chest has him jerking from his thoughts. “Hey!” he exclaims, ready to give some asshole a piece of his mind, when he realizes the asshole is just Yixing, leaning against the edge of the pool a few feet from Baekhyun’s chair. 

“What’re you thinking of so hard?” Yixing says. “I’ve called your name like three times.” 

“Sorry,” Baekhyun says, yanking his headphones out of his ears. “I didn’t hear you.” 

Yixing smiles at him softly. “Come join me,” he says, waving Baekhyun over. “Or are you that intent on becoming a lobster?” 

“I’m _basking_ ,” Baekhyun protests. He looks down at his bare chest. He’d put on as much sunscreen as possible before coming out here. He could probably apply some more, he thinks, or he will become a lobster. “And I look fine.” 

“Yeah,” Yixing says in a low voice, eyeing Baekhyun’s chest, too. “You do.” 

“Gross,” says Kyungsoo from beside Baekhyun, but when he looks over, Kyungsoo’s got a little amused smile on his face. “Go join your boyfriend already and let me read in peace.” 

Baekhyun looks back at Yixing, who has pulled himself up onto the ledge now and stretching his arms over his head. All his lean, beautiful muscles are visible like this and Baekhyun’s mouth runs a little dry. “Okay,” he whispers and Kyungsoo snorts, clearly having noticed him staring, and Baekhyun sets his phone, headphones, and sunglasses aside and walks over to where Yixing is waiting for him. 

Yixing grins brightly up at him and takes his hand as Baekhyun sits on the ground by the pool, swings his legs into the water. “Ready?” Yixing says, and the second Baekhyun nods, Yixing presses a palm flat on Baekhyun’s back and pushes him right into the pool. 

Baekhyun splutters as he resurfaces, sweeping his wet hair out of his face, and glares at his laughing boyfriend. “Is this why you wanted me to join you?” he demands. 

“No,” Yixing chuckles, finally easing himself into the water as well. “I just wanted to see you wet.” 

“Is that so?” Baekhyun says with a smirk. 

“Yeah,” Yixing says. “And you look like a drowned puppy.” He gives Baekhyun’s hair a rough ruffle with his hands, laughing again as Baekhyun splashes water at him in his attempt to get away. 

He swims off toward the deeper end of the pool and Yixing follows. The pool isn’t too crowded, giving them more opportunities to splash at each other and race around. Yixing’s always been more inclined to swimming than Baekhyun, moving with ease and practically doing laps around him. Baekhyun likes to watch the way his lithe body dances in the water. It’s been awhile since they’ve gone swimming anywhere together and it’s honestly a treat for Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“You stare too much,” Yixing says when he swims back to him. He pushes all his hair out of his face, slicking it back, showing off his forehead, and Baekhyun licks his lips. 

“You’re hot,” he says honestly. “I can’t help it.” He glances around the pool and adds, “Think we’d get in trouble if we fucked here?” 

Yixing cracks up at that and Baekhyun finds himself grinning as he watches the way his shoulders shake in mirth. “Yes,” Yixing says, and when Baekhyun pouts, he adds, “But, we can do this.” 

He pulls Baekhyun underwater with him. All the noise fades out in place of the sort of bubbling of water in Baekhyun’s ears. He’s not very good at holding his breath like this, but he manages long enough for Yixing to curl his fingers around the nape of his neck and pull him into a kiss. 

This is unlike anything Baekhyun’s experienced before, honestly. It feels like they’re kissing, but at the same time it’s like he can’t quite feel anything at all, the water dulling the usual sensation. It doesn’t last long either, Baekhyun letting his own fingers trail up Yixing’s chest before they resurface, gasping, laughing. 

“We should do that again,” Baekhyun says. 

Yixing hums softly in consideration, wipes away a bead of water clinging to the tip of Baekhyun’s nose. “Or we could go back up to our room,” he says lowly. “I doubt anyone would miss us.” 

Baekhyun surges forward to kiss him again, and while the underwater kiss was fun, this is definitely better, he thinks. “I like your plan,” he says, and races Yixing out of the pool.

 

-

 

6.

It’s Jongdae’s idea, because of course it is. Baekhyun, a couple of months ago, might’ve brought it up himself, but he’s changed now. A totally different person. A different person with a boyfriend, so what does he need to play spin the bottle for now anyway? 

Except he’s dragged into the circle along with everyone else. It’s the night before finals week, so naturally the entire campus is alive and partying, getting it all out of their system before last minute studying and test taking. Baekhyun leans against Yixing’s side, resting his red cup of beer on his knee, and watches as Jongdae spins an empty bottle around the center. 

“Are we just kissing each other?” Chanyeol asks. “Or is this a seven minutes in heaven kind of thing?” 

“What are we, middle schoolers?” Soojung sighs from across the circle. She’s got her arms folded over her chest but she’s watching the bottle as it slows down. 

“It’s for fun,” Jongdae yells. He’s louder than usual when he’s drunk. Baekhyun hopes no one gives him anymore to drink. “If you decide to pass, you can take off a piece of clothing instead. How about that?” 

Everyone laughs, amused, except Joohyun, because the bottle is pointing directly at her. She sighs, looking at Jongdae, and says, “Come here, then.” 

Baekhyun wolf whistles when they kiss, and Joohyun pushes Jongdae away before he can notch it up to a PG-13 rating. He’s laughing when he draws back and Joohyun is grimacing. “Please tell me he’s a bad kisser, it’ll make my year,” Baekhyun says, and this time Joohyun does laugh. 

“He just tastes like beer, but he’s passable, I guess,” she says and Jongdae looks far too smug with that response. “Who’s next?” 

Chanyeol reaches for the bottle and spins. It lands on Sehun and the both of them gag loudly. “No way, that’s like kissing my brother,” Chanyeol says and he yanks off his oversized hoodie instead. “You go, Sehun. Just make sure it doesn’t land on me again.” 

Sehun dutifully spins the bottle and it lands somewhere between Jongin and Taemin. Sehun glances between the two of them and says, “Jongin, come here,” and ignores the way Taemin demands, “Hey, why not me?” 

It goes on like this for awhile. Baekhyun laughs along and watches but doesn’t participate very actively. The few drinks he’s already had make him lazy and sleepy, and the warmth of Yixing’s arm around his waist is more than enough to almost have him passing out against his shoulder. He doesn’t though, because he wants to keep spending time with everyone, doesn’t want the night to end, so he just curls closer to Yixing and enjoys the fun from the sidelines. 

On Soojung’s turn the bottle lands on Jongin, and he turns bright red after she kisses him fully on the lips, and turns brighter still at the loud cheers. Sooyoung lands on Seulgi and they look at each other in amusement before offering up probably the most passionate kiss yet. Everyone yells loudly at that and they’re both laughing when they draw back. When it’s Minseok’s turn, though, he lands on Yixing, and Baekhyun goes suddenly still beside him. 

It takes Yixing a moment to even realize, and then he’s laughing as he looks down at Baekhyun. “Go for it,” Baekhyun tells him, because it’s not a big deal. Not really. Sure, he knows that Yixing and Minseok dated for a while, but Yixing’s with Baekhyun now. So it doesn’t matter. 

“Are you sure?” Yixing asks, and when Baekhyun nods, he smiles. Yixing joins Minseok in the middle of the circle and their kiss is short but somehow powerful. It’s clear they have history with the way they seem to fit easily together, Minseok’s hand firm against Yixing’s neck. They grin at each other when they pull back and Yixing wraps his arms around Baekhyun when he returns. 

“Sorry, Baekhyun,” Minseok says as he settles back down beside Junmyeon. 

Baekhyun shakes his head, looking at Yixing. “That was kind of hot,” he admits and Yixing snorts. 

“I should have guessed that’d be your reaction,” he says, and pokes Baekhyun’s nose. “Why don’t you go next?” 

Practically everyone else has had a turn already so Baekhyun figures he probably should play, too. Maybe Yixing is offering him to go to make up for his kiss with Minseok. If Baekhyun kisses someone else, then they're even. But as Baekhyun watches the bottle spin, he decides he doesn’t really want to kiss anyone other than Yixing. The bottle lands on Taemin, but Baekhyun turns it right back to Yixing instead. 

Before anyone can complain, he’s grabbing Yixing by the face to kiss him, deeply, uncaring that all their friends can see, that whoever else is at this party can see. There’s loud whooping from around them, and Yixing’s breathless laughter in his ears before Baekhyun is kissing him again, and again, until he feels sated enough to pull away. 

“Well, that’s one way to do it, I guess,” Jongdae laughs. 

“That’s not part of the rules,” argues Taemin, but Seulgi swats his arm and tells him to shut up. 

“They're cute,” she says. “Let them have their fun,” and Baekhyun takes that as his cue to kiss Yixing once again.

 

-

 

12.

Baekhyun groans as Yixing’s hands slide down his back to grab his ass, pull him even closer against him. The bed creaks as they move, as Baekhyun presses his hands onto the sheets on either side of Yixing’s shoulders and rocks back down onto Yixing’s cock, feels it push up even deeper inside him. 

“Fuck,” Baekhyun moans into the crook of Yixing’s neck. “You feel so good.” 

“I could say the same to you,” Yixing says in a low voice and he gives Baekhyun’s ass a little squeeze that has them both gasping. “Fuck, Baekhyun. I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer.” 

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun says. “I don’t care. Just fuck me. Come already.” He laughs as he shakes his hair out of his face, sits up in Yixing’s lap and rides him a little harder, faster. “We could always go again.” 

“Again?” Yixing says incredulously. “This is already our second round, you know.” 

“You don’t think you could do it?” Baekhyun coaxes, clenching his muscles around Yixing’s dick and grinning when he draws out a deep groan, feels the way Yixing’s fingers tighten around his waist. 

Yixing narrows his eyes up at him, dark, intense, and Baekhyun simply quirks a brow in response. “Oh, I know I could do it,” he says, and before Baekhyun can even tell what’s happening, Yixing is tightening his hold around him and rolling them right over until Baekhyun’s back hits the mattress and Yixing looms over him, slowly undulating his hips to press his cock all the way inside again. 

“Oh my god,” Baekhyun says, his head falling back, his legs wrapping around Yixing’s hips. Hands tangle in Baekhyun’s hair, gentle compared to the slow, torturous way Yixing fucks him, tilts his face down until their eyes meet again. 

“I could do it,” Yixing says, letting one of his hands slip down between their bodies. “But could you?” He curls his fingers around Baekhyun’s neglected cock and rubs his thumb right over the slit the way he knows Baekhyun likes. 

“You’re mean,” Baekhyun whines, hips jerking up into the touch, into Yixing’s thrusts. “If you weren’t such a teasing bastard I could do it.” 

Yixing hums disbelievingly, the corner of his lips quirked up, and Baekhyun is having none of this attitude so he sinks his fingers into Yixing’s hair and pulls him into a hard, heated kiss. Yixing gives as much as Baekhyun takes, letting their mouths move together with ease, slipping his tongue past Baekhyun’s lips. Baekhyun groans, tightens his grip in Yixing’s hair, and rolls his hips down, feels the way Yixing’s cock fills him up so well. His teeth scrape over Yixing’s plush lower lip and Baekhyun gasps at how Yixing thrusts into him harder. He does it again, and Yixing makes a low voice in his throat and gives Baekhyun’s cock a little pointed squeeze. 

Their harsh, desperate breaths mix together, lips wet and slick, and Baekhyun feels like he’s drowning, maybe, in Yixing’s heat, in Yixing’s touch, in every skilled thrust of Yixing’s hips. He can’t seem to pull away, continues to let their mouths press and part, again and again, every whispered plea for Yixing to fuck him harder swallowed up by Yixing’s beautiful moans, until he comes, like this, Yixing’s cock deep inside him.

“Fuck, Baekhyun,” Yixing groans, barely making it a few more thrusts before he’s coming, too. Baekhyun can feel the way his cock pulses inside him and he sighs against Yixing’s lips as he releases his grip in Yixing’s hair and lets his hands slide down his back instead.

He grips Yixing’s ass in his hands and pulls him even closer. Yixing makes an almost pained noise as Baekhyun laughs, “Come here,” and Yixing lets himself fall right into Baekhyun, lets Baekhyun press fleeting little kisses to his forehead, down the side of his face. 

“That was amazing,” Baekhyun says, sated, full. Happy. 

“You’re amazing,” Yixing says, and Baekhyun’s heart blooms in his chest. 

Loved.

 

-

 

4.

Baekhyun rocks back and forth on his feet. His hands are stuffed into the pockets of his coat and he’s doing his best not to pull out his phone and check the time again.

He knows he’s early. He’d done everything in his power to get here on time so he wouldn’t be late. He could not be late. Not today. 

He’s been thinking about this all week long, once Yixing had asked him if he was free Saturday night so they could go on a date. Their first date. Baekhyun actually had a shift at the student center where he worked, manning the front desk and any calls that came through. It was a boring job. He didn’t think twice about telling Yixing he was definitely free and spending the next two days bribing the other student workers with whatever they wanted until Amber caved and said she’d take his shift. He’s gonna owe her lunch for a week, but it’s worth it. 

Baekhyun has no idea what Yixing has planned for tonight. No amount of Baekhyun’s pestering had gotten him to divulge any information other than to simply dress casually. “I’m not taking you to a fancy restaurant or anything like that,” he’d said Thursday night when they’d been studying. Or Yixing had been studying and Baekhyun had taken a nap in his lap. 

“What if I _want_ to go to a fancy restaurant?” Baekhyun had replied. 

Yixing had poked his nose and laughed. “Please, you’d want to leave ten minutes later. You’d never be able to sit so still and be so proper.” 

Baekhyun pouted back up at him but knew Yixing was right. “You know me too well,” he’d said. 

“So just trust me, okay?” Yixing had replied. “It’ll be fun.” 

“Of course it will,” Baekhyun said. “You’re gonna be with me.” 

He smiles thinking about it now. Yixing had kissed him after that and Baekhyun’s attempts to figure out his plans had dwindled down considerably. But now that he’s here, standing in front of the small pizzeria where Yixing had said to meet him, all of Baekhyun’s curiosity has piqued again. 

At least he doesn’t have to wait too long to find out, because a few minutes later, he hears his name being called in Yixing’s familiar voice. He looks up to find him crossing the street, underdressed for the weather as usual in simple jeans and a soft cream colored cardigan. When he gets closer, Baekhyun can easily see his collarbones and the pale expanse of his chest from his low-dipping navy shirt. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Baekhyun asks when he approaches, but Yixing just smiles and shakes his head, reaching out to take Baekhyun’s left hand from his pocket so he can lace their fingers together instead. 

“That helps,” he says softly and Baekhyun feels himself blushing. “Were you waiting long?” 

“Nope,” Baekhyun lies. “Just got here.” 

The look Yixing gives him says he doesn’t believe it, but he also doesn’t press. Instead he gives Baekhyun’s hand a squeeze and says, “Let’s go. Are you hungry?” 

“We’re not eating here?” Baekhyun says, looking back at the pizzeria as they pass. 

“You think I’d take you to have pizza on our first date?” Yixing laughs. “I know I said we weren’t doing anything fancy, but I am a little classier than that.” 

Baekhyun huffs. “Well, seeing as how you didn’t give me any clue about what we’re doing, you can’t blame me for the low bar,” he says. 

“I guess not,” Yixing agrees. “We can have pizza another time if you want.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Baekhyun says. “I’m just happy to spend time with you.” The words come out of his mouth before he can stop them. Even if they’re true, they’re maybe a little too honest, and he feels his face heat up again when Yixing glances at him, eyes fond. 

“You’re so cute,” he says, and lets Baekhyun squawk in protest as he continues to lead him down the street. 

They end up in a small Chinese place that Baekhyun’s never even seen let alone heard of despite living here for years. There are a couple of Chinese restaurants around but Baekhyun usually goes for the cheap place closer to campus when he’s craving it. Yixing, however, seems perfectly at home, even greeting the girl at the entrance by name. 

“Has this place always been here?” Baekhyun wonders aloud as they’re shown to their seats and Yixing laughs as he sits down across from him. 

“I found it a few months ago,” he says. “Their food reminds me of home.” 

“Better or worse than your mom’s cooking?” 

“Nothing could ever be better than my mom’s,” Yixing says seriously and Baekhyun grins, unsurprised by the answer. Yixing’s parents live barely an hour from campus but his mother is always sending care packages and has been since Baekhyun can remember. It’s cute because Yixing is definitely a mama’s boy, even if he sometimes likes to pretend he’s not. “Speaking of my mom,” Yixing adds. “She really wants to have lunch with you.” 

“Yeah?” Baekhyun says, perking up. He’d met Yixing’s parents the first time two years ago, when they’d stopped by to visit Yixing one night, and he’s seen them a few times since, but it has been awhile now. “You told her about us already, didn’t you?” 

Yixing nods, smiling. “She was thrilled, honestly,” he says. “She probably just wants to spend some time talking to you.” 

“It’s cool with me,” Baekhyun says. “I like your mom.” 

That makes Yixing grin proudly and Baekhyun returns it. They end up ordering soon after, when an older woman stops by their table and greets Yixing in excited Mandarin. Baekhyun watches in amusement as they chat, as Yixing’s face lights up when he introduces Baekhyun to her as well. She leaves with their order and returns soon after with their drinks, gives Yixing a little pat on the shoulder before disappearing again to attend to the other guests in the restaurant. 

“How many times have you come here in the past few months that she talks to you like you’re her son?” Baekhyun laughs. 

“I can’t help it,” Yixing defends himself. “You’ll want to come back after you eat, too, you’ll see.” 

Baekhyun hums thoughtfully but he’s already sold, honestly. He trusts Yixing’s taste and he’s not disappointed when their food arrives sometime later, looking totally amazing just on the plate before Baekhyun even gets it in his mouth. He pulls his phone out of his pocket to take a few pictures and Yixing, instead of getting impatient the way Kyungsoo does sometimes, or Sehun, helps turn the dishes around in the light for better shots, leans across the table to see how they turned out. He’s so perfect. 

Dinner is wonderful. Spending time with Yixing is natural and easy, and even if it’s only been just over a week since they officially started dating, Baekhyun didn’t feel nervous about this at all. It’s like it’s always been, with Yixing, relaxing and comfortable and full of laughter. Maybe, before they got together, before Baekhyun had kissed him and changed everything, it’d be hard to keep his feelings hidden, to remind himself not to say something or do something that would make Yixing realize how he really felt. All of that is gone now, because Yixing knows. Yixing knows and Yixing loves him back and Baekhyun can be completely himself, can tell him he’s cute or that he wants to kiss him or simply lean across the table to do it if he wants, and Yixing will smile back at him, clear happiness in his eyes. 

The woman stops by again to check on them and talks with Yixing even more, glancing at Baekhyun a few times. Baekhyun now really wishes his Mandarin was better but not even all the help Yixing gives him would help him understand what they’re saying. When she leaves, Yixing catches Baekhyun curious gaze and grins. “She said you’re cute,” he says. “And that I picked well.” 

Baekhyun’s face heats up at that and Yixing laughs. “Oh,” he says, not having expected her to realize they were anything more than friends, but he did just kiss Yixing a while ago. “She seems nice,” Baekhyun says. “It’s different seeing you here, you know. Like, I’ve seen you talk in Mandarin with your parents before but it's different. I like it. It’s nice.”

“I’m glad,” Yixing says with a soft smile. “I really like it here, so I wanted to share it with you.” 

Butterflies fill up Baekhyun’s stomach from Yixing’s words, the way he’s looking at him so fondly, and he can’t seem to do anything else but smile back at him. Once his brain seems to start working again, he asks, “So, is dinner all we’re doing tonight, or is there something more?” He waggles his brows pointedly and Yixing smirks. 

“You’re just gonna have to wait and see,” he says and doesn’t given in once again when Baekhyun whines and pouts at him. 

As it turns out, Yixing brings him to popular coffee house closer to campus. It’s a Saturday evening, so it’s pretty full, some people studying in the corner with cups of coffee and their headphones in, others in groups around tables chatting together with their friends. There’s a small stage in the far corner that’s set up for live performances. Baekhyun hasn’t been here to watch in awhile, so already he’s excited, clapping along as the girl onstage finishes her cover of Adele’s Water Under the Bridge. 

“So this is what you had planned, huh?” Baekhyun says as they stop by the counter to order. Yixing gets a coffee for himself and even orders a hot chocolate for Baekhyun before he has to say anything, all too familiar with Baekhyun’s dislike of coffee, and Baekhyun grins as he takes Yixing’s hand and lets their fingers easily lace together. 

“I thought it’d be nice,” Yixing says with a small shrug. “We both like music and I haven’t been by to watch anyone perform in weeks, so I’ve been missing out.” He gives Baekhyun a slightly uncertain look, adds, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Are you kidding?” Baekhyun says. “This is great. Do you know anyone performing tonight?” 

Yixing shakes his head. “I know Chanyeol was thinking about coming down, but I don’t see him here, so maybe he changed his mind,” he says. 

“That’s for the best,” Baekhyun says. “He’d probably weasel in on our date and never leave.” 

Yixing laughs, shaking his head again but this time in amusement, and he releases Baekhyun’s hand to instead throw his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders, pull him in close and press a light kiss to his temple. Baekhyun preens under the attention, tilts his head up in that way he knows makes him look cute, and Yixing indulges him with another kiss, and another, only pulling away once the barista at the counter calls his name for their order. 

By the time they find a small two-person table to sit at near the stage, there’s a couple crooning City of Stars at each other into the mics. Baekhyun scoots his chair close to Yixing’s side and sips on his hot chocolate slowly so as not to burn his tongue. Baekhyun does his best to pay attention to the performers, but he ends up always looking at Yixing more often than not. Yixing’s attention isn’t so easily lost, however, and he taps his fingers along with the beat atop his knee, a soft smile on his face as he watches. He’ll cheer loudly at the right moments, or clap when necessary, and it’s clear he’s really into this, even if the people on stage aren’t exactly the best. 

Baekhyun has known Yixing for years now, but tonight he’s been discovering more about him that he hadn’t seen before. It’s really nice, and it makes Baekhyun excited, for all the times they’ll spend together in the future, how much more about Yixing he will come to learn. 

Like later, when Yixing slips away saying he’s going to the bathroom, only to end up onstage after a girl Baekhyun recognized from the show choir sang a song from Singin’ in the Rain. Yixing is a much better liar than Baekhyun expected, as he simply flashes Baekhyun a disarming smile and settles on a small stool before the mic stand and rests a guitar in his lap. 

Baekhyun has seen Yixing play the guitar before. Has heard him sing, has seen him pouring over music sheets, scribbling lyrics into a notebook while studying out in the quad. Like so much today, it’s different now, watching Yixing performing like this to a roomful of mostly strangers, but also to Baekhyun. He’ll catch Baekhyun’s eye for a brief moment and smile, then look away and his fingers easily move along the fret of the guitar, as natural as breathing. He sings Ed Sheeran’s Afire Love and then smoothly transitions into Adam Levine’s Lost Stars. 

Baekhyun claps and cheers the loudest when he’s done, giving a little perfunctory bow and a “Thank you” into the mic before he hops off the stage. Baekhyun rushes up to him and winds his arms around Yixing’s waist, pressing a little kiss to the top of his spine. “You’re full of surprises tonight, aren’t you?” he says, and Yixing laughs as he puts his guitar away into its case. 

“Good surprises?” he asks, glancing at Baekhyun over his shoulder. 

“Yes,” Baekhyun says, grinning, and Yixing snaps his case shut, winds an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and takes his case in his free hand. They end up heading out of the shop then, a wordless agreement, and Baekhyun continues to stick close to Yixing’s side, enjoying the warmth of his body. “You know you I already like you, right? You don’t have to impress me.” 

“Were you not impressed?” Yixing asks, quirking his brow at Baekhyun, and Baekhyun knows he can’t hide just how much he enjoyed watching Yixing on stage like that. 

“Maybe a little,” is what he says, and Yixing just laughs, squeezes Baekhyun around the waist. 

“You’re adorable,” he says and Baekhyun drops his face to hide his wide grin. 

Yixing walks him back to his apartment and maybe all that nervousness Baekhyun hadn’t felt all evening have decided now is the perfect time to surface because the closer they get, the more he wonders what to do. What to say. Should he ask Yixing to come up? Jongdae went home for the weekend, so the place is empty, but maybe that would make it seem like Baekhyun is asking for something else entirely. It’s only been a week. They haven’t done much more than furiously make out, but it’s not as if Baekhyun isn’t, well, open to more. He’s pretty sure Yixing is, too. They just haven’t talked about it. 

In the end, he says, “I had a lot of fun tonight,” and cringes a bit at the clicheness of it all. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but. It was really great.” 

“I’m glad,” Yixing says with a proud, happy smile. They’re standing at the entry to Baekhyun’s apartment building. Yixing’s is just down the block and Baekhyun is tempted to offer to walk him there, because he doesn’t want the night to really end. “Next time, it’s your turn to plan.” 

That makes Baekhyun laugh, but he readily agrees. “I’ve got a lot to live up to then,” he says, but Yixing shakes his head. 

“No,” he says. “You can plan anything you want. I’m just happy to spend time with you.” 

It’s the words Baekhyun had said earlier that night, and it has him feeling inexplicably embarrassed. He scuffs the concrete beneath his feet with his shoe, tries to think of what to say, anything to say, but Yixing keeps smiling softly at him, and all Baekhyun can do is lean up and gently, shyly, press a short little kiss to the corner of his lips. 

“Goodnight,” Baekhyun says, feeling his face burn, and then he’s turning on his heel and running inside. 

He doesn’t stop until he gets to his apartment, until he’s fallen face-first into the couch and groaning into the cushions at his stupidity. Of all the times to act like an idiot. He wriggles around, side to side, and almost rolls right off the couch when his phone buzzes in his pocket and scares the shit out of him. 

There are a few short messages from Yixing, and Baekhyun finds himself grinning wider as he reads them one by one, and then all over again, until he has them memorized. 

_What kind of kiss was that?_

_I expect something more tomorrow._

_Goodnight, Baekhyun. ❤_

 

-

 

17.

“You’ve got to get out of here,” Jongdae sighs, staring down at Baekhyun, who has made a comfy home for himself under the covers in the middle of his bed.

“I’ve been out,” Baekhyun mumbles. “I went to work.” 

“Yeah, and then you came straight home. Work, home, work, home. You're like a robot.” The bed creaks as Jongdae undoubtedly sits beside him. Baekhyun can’t really see, because he’s facing the other direction. It’s better this way, so he doesn't have to face the exasperation on Jongdae’s face. “You can’t keep living like this.” 

“Sure I can.” 

“Baekhyun, it’s been a week,” he says, like Baekhyun doesn’t know. Like Baekhyun hasn’t been counting the days in his head ever since Yixing had kissed him goodbye and walked out the door, with no intention to return again. “I know--I know this is hard. But you can’t just pretend like your life is over. This was a decision you made.” 

“So?” Baekhyun says, sounding a little more annoyed than he means to. Jongdae’s not wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s what Baekhyun wants to hear right now. 

“ _So_ ,” Jongdae says, “if you don’t get off your ass, I’m gonna have to resort to drastic measures.” 

Baekhyun just stays silent. He doubts Jongdae will really do anything terrible at all other whine loudly until he gets so fed up he leaves. He hears the bed creak again, the weight behind him lifting away as Jongdae undoubtedly stands, and Baekhyun smiles to himself, thinking that he must be really lucky if Jongdae’s giving up this easily. 

Except then, so suddenly Baekhyun can’t stop it, the blankets covering him are wrenched off his body. “Fuck!” Baekhyun shouts, cowering in the sudden chill and curling up in the fetal position to keep warm. He’s only in a pair of boxers and one of Yixing’s old shirts that he found in his laundry that Yixing must’ve not seen, or maybe left there on purpose. Baekhyun might have cried when he found it. He might’ve been wearing it everyday since. 

Either way it’s cold and Jongdae is cackling at him as he tosses the blanket to the floor and then practically flings himself onto the bed right atop of Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun screeches and thrashes, tries his best to fend Jongdae off, but Jongdae knows his weak spots. Years of being best friends would do that, and as Jongdae’s fingers dive under his shirt to tickle him he wonders why his best friend couldn’t be someone kind and considerate like Yixing--

Yixing, who was just as ticklish as Baekhyun. Perhaps even moreso. Baekhyun remembers when he first learned just how ticklish Yixing was, pretty soon after they’d started dating. He’d been surprised he never realized before, because their relationship had always been affectionate and handsy. Baekhyun used to cuddled up to Yixing hundreds of times before, but then, when he rubbed his nose against Yixing’s neck, Yixing would end up squirming away in laughter, the slope of his pale skin flushing a pretty red. 

Baekhyun had been delighted by his discovery. At any opportunity, he would dance his fingers up Yixing’s side or swipe them across the slope of his neck where he was most sensitive. Yixing would flail and giggle that adorable laugh of his and Baekhyun would fall in love even more, every time. He remembers with so much clarity it’s like a movie playing before his eyes, a Saturday morning, months into their relationship, when Baekhyun had woken Yixing up with little kisses, hands sliding up his thighs. 

When Yixing had blearily peered his eyes open, smiled through the haze of his slumber, Baekhyun had attacked. Fingers digging into Yixing’s sides until Yixing was yelping and shouting and rolling around in Baekhyun’s bed. Yixing’s laughter had filled up the room and Baekhyun had continued to tickle him until Yixing was gasping and splotches of bright pink trailed down from his cheeks to his chest. 

“Morning,” Baekhyun had chirped happily and then darted down to kiss Yixing playfully, nipping at his lower lip, pulling back quick, and then leaning forward again for another. 

The memory has Baekhyun falling still in his bed, all the fight gone from him as he feels the prickling of tears at the corner of his eyes. 

“Baekhyun?” whispers Jongdae, and Baekhyun can’t even look at him, because he thinks he might actually start to cry if he did. So instead he covers his eyes with a shaky hand and bites his lip and says nothing. It’s enough, though, because Jongdae pulls his hands out from under Baekhyun’s shirt and instead draws him into a comforting embrace. “Hey, I get it,” he says softly, gently. “I get it. But it’s gonna be okay, Baekhyun, you hear me? It’s gonna be okay.” 

Baekhyun isn’t sure how that’s possible, when Yixing is long gone and all Baekhyun has left are these memories that seem to do nothing but destroy him.

 

-

 

13.

The apartment is a mess. Baekhyun has been looking for misplaced bills for the past hour, scouring every nook and cranny of his bedroom, the living room, and even the kitchen for the envelopes from the television company and his overdue credit card statements. He knows he just saw them the other day but things always seem to get moved around these days, with how busy he and Yixing have been. 

He sighs, runs a frustrated hand through his hair, when it hits him. Yixing. Maybe it’s in the other room, the small room they’d set up as Yixing’s own mini at-home studio after Jongdae had moved out and Yixing had moved in. He’s not sure why the bills would be there, but it’s possible they’d gotten mixed up with Yixing’s things. 

He slips into the room and glances around curiously. He doesn’t spend much time in here, as Yixing prefers his privacy when he works and likes everything to be kept a certain way. Baekhyun does his best to respect that, so he’s careful when he pokes around at Yixing’s desk, looking for what he needs. 

After a couple of minutes, Baekhyun has nothing to show for his intensive searching, that is until he comes across a sheaf of papers tucked into a plain manila folder. That in itself wouldn’t be so interesting if Baekhyun doesn’t see his own name scrawled in Yixing’s familiar handwriting atop one of the pages inside. He almost drops the whole folder in his surprise, hastily adjusting it so it lies snugly in his arms and glances down at what looks like pages upon pages of lyrics. Lyrics about Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun’s heart hammers in his ears as he scans the words, takes in each scribbled word, the slightly smudged dates in the corner. Some of these are years old. Baekhyun’s heard many of Yixing’s songs but some of these are completely unfamiliar to him, and the longer he stares the more he knows he should put it away, pretend he never saw any of it. If Yixing wanted to tell him about these songs, he would have already. Baekhyun knows he’s seen something he shouldn’t have, and yet he can’t look away. 

And so there’s no one to blame but himself when Yixing’s sudden voice cuts through the air, chilling Baekhyun to his core that this time he _does_ drop the folder, scattering the pages of YIxing’s raw, heartfelt lyrics all over the floor. 

“Yixing, I--” Baekhyun starts, but doesn’t know how to explain. 

“I said, what’re you doing?” Yixing asks. 

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says quickly. “I was just--I came in to look for some bills that I lost, I thought maybe it’d gotten mixed up in your stuff and then I found--I didn’t mean to snoop, honestly.” 

Yixing doesn’t say anything, just strides into the room and sweeps up all the papers that had fallen. The look on his face drops even more when he seems to realized _exactly_ what it is that Baekhyun has seen. Guilt claws its way up Baekhyun’s throat. He wants to say something, apologize more, wants to reach out and help but he doesn’t want to make it worse. 

“Yixing,” Baekhyun whispers when the silence stretches on for too long. 

“If you needed something, you could’ve just asked, Baekhyun,” Yixing says in a hard voice. “Why would you go through my things like this? I’ve told you--I’ve _told_ you I don’t let anyone look at this and you just--” 

“I know,” Baekhyun cuts in miserably. “I know, I’m really sorry, Yixing.” Unsure what to do, Baekhyun reaches out for him, to comfort him, to console him, to make him _look_ at him, _something_ but Yixing flinches away at the last moment and Baekhyun feels his heart drop to his knees. He thinks if he even moves, it’ll fall right to the ground and he’ll step on it, or Yixing will, and he can’t, he doesn’t want that. Not one bit. 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says, and he sounds almost sad now instead of angry. Baekhyun wishes he’d just get angry, it’d make it easier. Baekhyun can deal with angry. “Just--leave, will you? Go do something else. I need to work.” 

Baekhyun wants to argue, wants to tell him that, no, we should talk about this, but he knows it’s not the right time. He nods, and then when he realizes Yixing still isn’t looking at him, he voices aloud, “Okay. Okay. I’ll just. Be in the bedroom, if you need me.” 

He winces at how it sounds but it’s done, there’s nothing else he can say now. He casts one last look at Yixing over his shoulder, watches the way he carefully picks up the last few sheets of paper, pausing to stare at each one, and then leaves, shutting the door behind him. 

“Fuck,” he breathes. He’s really messed up. 

With a groan, Baekhyun runs his hands through his hair and then claps his palms against his cheeks. There’s no use dwelling on it, he tells himself. He knows he screwed up and all he can do is wait for Yixing to come to him. 

Of course that’s all easier said than done. With Yixing holed up in his studio and Baekhyun’s spirit completely shattered, Baekhyun finds he has nothing to do to distract himself. He doesn’t want to make too much noise and bother Yixing so he doesn’t turn on the television and ends up curled in bed with his laptop, cruising cooking videos on YouTube that he will never actually attempt to cook. All that does is make him hungry and he shuts his laptop a little harder than necessary and slumps in bed, staring up at the ceiling for a couple of minutes. 

He plays Candy Crush on his phone until his battery dies. He sorts through the pile of laundry that’s gathered at the corner of the room. He finds his credit card bill stuffed into the back pocket of one of his jeans. He opens his laptop again and ends up on his favorite porn site because even if getting off is the last thing on his mind, maybe one of the shitty plot lines will entertain him for awhile. It doesn’t work. 

An hour passes, maybe two, maybe it’s only been ten minutes. Baekhyun’s not good at keeping track when his mind is elsewhere. He curls up on his side, staring at the closed door of Yixing’s studio, feels the guilt consume him, and falls asleep. 

When he wakes later, it’s to a familiar touch gently brushing back his hair and Baekhyun blearily peers up into Yixing’s face. Yixing is looking at him with something akin to worry in his eyes and it takes a moment for Baekhyun to remember what happened, to understand why he’s looking at him like this, and then, suddenly, it all comes back. He jolts up in bed and groans at the way his whole body seems to protest the sudden moment. He’s got a dull headache at his temples but he powers through it as he turns to Yixing and says, “Hi. How long was I asleep?” 

“A few hours, maybe,” Yixing says, sitting at the edge of the bed and facing him. “I only just stepped out awhile ago and saw you like this.” 

They stare at each other for a long moment and then drop their gazes at the same time. Baekhyun chews on his lower lip. He hates this. He and Yixing never fight. Yixing is genuinely a chill person, he rarely gets mad over anything, least of all at Baekhyun. But Baekhyun knows he fucked up and so he takes a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry.” 

He doesn’t expect Yixing to say the same thing at him at the same time. He looks up quickly and Yixing’s eyes are wide in surprise, and the only thing Baekhyun can think to do is laugh. “Why are _you_ apologizing!” he exclaims. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I also overreacted,” Yixing says. “I shouldn’t have treated you like that, Baekhyun.” 

“I deserved it,” Baekhyun insists. “I knew I shouldn’t have looked but I did it anyway. I’m really fucking sorry.” 

“I know,” Yixing says and they stare at each other for another long moment, but this time Yixing smiles at Baekhyun and waves him over. “Come here.” 

Baekhyun practically lunges for him, sends them both falling back onto the end of the bed, Yixing’s laughter shining bright in the room. Baekhyun looks down at him hesitantly, hopefully, and Yixing is the one to extinguish any of Baekhyun’s lingering doubt when he lifts his head up just a little and kisses him. It’s a soft, simple kiss, a kiss that says _I’m sorry_ and _I love you_. Baekhyun sighs against Yixing’s lips, feels the tension leaving his body, the ache in his chest fading away, and when he pulls back, Yixing is smiling at him still. 

“So you don’t hate me?” he asks, teasing, and Yixing rolls his eyes fondly. 

“Baekhyun, you just found a folder of songs I’ve written about you,” he says with exasperation. “Do you really think I hate you?” 

“Well, I know you don’t _hate_ me, but--” 

“There are no buts,” Yixing cuts in. “I was upset because I never expected you to find those songs. I wrote most of them before we got together and, well, it’s different now.” 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about them?” Baekhyun asks carefully. “You know I wouldn’t have thought it was weird or anything, right?” 

“Yeah, knowing you, you’d have been flattered,” Yixing teases and Baekhyun grins. He is pretty flattered, and he’d probably be more obnoxious about it if finding them hadn’t made Yixing so upset. “I write a lot of lyrics, about a lot of people and different things that I’ve experienced, and sometimes I don’t do anything with them. It’s more about getting my thoughts out than about writing an actual song.” 

“They’re private to you,” Baekhyun says with a nod. “I get it. I really am sorry. I barely remember what any of them said, to be honest.” 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Yixing accuses lightly but then smiles. “I appreciate your effort.” 

“Thank you,” Baekhyun says, and they stay like this for awhile, lying across the bed, curled in close to each other as if to make up for all the time apart. Sure, it was barely even the whole day, but they don’t fight like this often, which makes the times when they _do_ all the more unbearable. 

Yixing’s fingers find their way to Baekhyun’s hair, gently combing through, and Baekhyun rests his head against Yixing’s chest, feeling like he could fall asleep like this. Then, Yixing says quietly, “Maybe someday I’ll be able to show you those songs properly.” 

Baekhyun closes his eyes as a smile stretches across his face. He wraps his arms around Yixing’s waist, holding him tighter, and says, “I’d like that.”

 

-

 

14.

Baekhyun walks his fingers gently up Yixing’s back until they reach his neck. He tickles him a little there, grinning at the way Yixing splutters and squirms away, twisting his head around to look at Baekhyun with a small pout. “Hi,” Baekhyun says. 

“Hi,” Yixing returns. “Can’t sleep?” 

Baekhyun shakes his head. “Talk to me,” he says, sliding his hand back down Yixing’s back as he curls in a little closer. It’s still daytime, sunlight pours in through the windows, making Yixing’s bare skin look even paler. 

“What about?” Yixing asks softly and he turns onto his side so he can face Baekhyun properly without craning his neck. Baekhyun’s hand falls away from his back, but he slides it up along his arm instead, letting his eyes sweep over his body, the blossoming mark at his collarbone that Baekhyun had left barely an hour ago. 

“Anything,” Baekhyun says with a shrug. “I just want to hear your voice.” 

Yixing looks at him for a moment, a little crease between his brows in concern, but it smoothes away when Baekhyun smiles at him. Nothing is wrong. Baekhyun just feels so full of love and happiness that he doesn’t want it to fade away, not yet. He’s all sated from the way Yixing had fucked him, slowly and gently, like Baekhyun is something special, and he wants to curl up beside him and spend more time with him just like this. 

As if Yixing can read his mind, he rolls over onto his back and holds his arm out for Baekhyun. “Come here,” he says, and Baekhyun goes, fits himself right into Yixing’s side perfectly like he’s always meant to be there. Yixing is warm and solid against him and it reminds Baekhyun of all the times the two of them would spend like this even far before they got together. Yixing’s presence has always been a source of comfort and it’s no different now. 

“You feel nice,” Baekhyun says with a soft sigh. 

“You feel cold,” Yixing laughs, pulling Baekhyun a little closer and rubbing his palm down his arm. Baekhyun hikes the blankets up over their bodies a bit, but he can still see the delicious slope of Yixing’s neck, the lines of his collarbones, even the perky pink of his nipples if he glances down just right. Yixing never bothers with clothes in bed, so he’s still naked under the sheets even though Baekhyun had tugged on a pair of clean underwear, and it could be so easy to push Yixing down and take his cock in his hands again. 

Baekhyun licks his lips and pushes back the urge. Maybe later. 

Instead he blinks up at Yixing, pokes his nose with a finger. “Are you tired?” he asks, grinning when Yixing snatches his hand away, lets their fingers lace together with ease. “You don’t have to stay awake for me.” 

“You’re the one said he wanted to talk,” Yixing reminds him. “What’s on your mind?” 

Baekhyun shrugs again. “Jongin asked us to come by for dinner this weekend, did I tell you?” he says, remembering suddenly. 

“Is Soojung cooking?” Yixing questions seriously and Baekhyun laughs. “They just moved into their new house, didn’t they? Aren’t they gonna have a housewarming party?” 

“Apparently Taemin is planning something,” says Baekhyun. “Jongin wanted us to come by and see the place anyway because knowing Taemin it’ll probably take a year before the party is finalized.” 

“Sounds good,” Yixing says. “I still can’t believe they’re married now.” 

Baekhyun smiles wistfully in remembrance. It’d been a really beautiful wedding. Jongin had cried and Soojung and Taemin had shoved their phones in his faces to take video. “The kids are all grown up,” Baekhyun pretends to sniff and Yixing snorts into his hair. 

“As if we’re much older,” Yixing says and Baekhyun grins at him, tilts his head up to press a little kiss to Yixing’s jaw. Yixing’s lips stretch into a smile as well, and he gives Baekhyun’s hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Do you ever think about us in the future?” Baekhyun asks as the idea fills him. He still sees himself with Yixing a year, three years, five years down the road. He knows that much is certain. They talk about their dreams, their ambitions sometimes. The jobs they want to have, the places they want to visit someday. 

“Of course,” Yixing says, sounding mildly offended that Baekhyun thought he wouldn’t. “I think about waking up to you beside me everyday, I think about where to take you on our next date, I think about someday even getting the chance to have our own house like Jongin and Soojung.” 

Baekhyun closes his eyes and smiles, picturing it easily in his mind. Painting the rooms together, figuring out how to decorate, fucking on every possible surface in celebration. He laughs at himself, and when he opens his eyes again, Yixing is staring at him so fondly Baekhyun’s heart jumps to his throat. 

“I think about asking you to marry me, too, sometimes,” Yixing adds and Baekhyun’s eyes widen at the admission, not even remotely expecting that. 

“Was that meant to be a proposal?” he demands and Yixing shrugs a shoulder even though he’s looking a little embarrassed now, not quite meeting Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“It could be,” Yixing says after a moment. “Or it could just be a promise, for when we’re ready, when everything is more settled.” 

A promise. Baekhyun likes the sound of that. He likes the sound of calling Yixing his husband, too. He won’t deny that he hasn’t thought about it himself, hasn’t imagined what it’d be like to have a wedding, to watch Yixing play piano with the addition of a shining ring on his finger. His chest is so warm, so full of happiness from just the thoughts running through his head that he can’t find it in him to do anything other than curl even closer to Yixing and say, “A promise sounds good to me.” 

He feels more than sees the tiny breath of relief that Yixing releases. He squeezes Baekhyun’s hand and Baekhyun adds, “On one condition.” When Yixing tenses, Baekhyun tilts away to grin at him. “We get a puppy when we get a house.” 

That draws a startled laugh out of Yixing and he’s nodding at Baekhyun as a smile stretches across his face. “We can definitely do that,” he says and lifts Baekhyun’s hand up to press a kiss to their laced fingers in promise.

 

-

 

15.

“Wait, wait, I don’t understand,” Baekhyun says, cutting Yixing off mid-sentence. “You’re _what_?”

“I’m not doing anything,” Yixing says carefully. “Not yet, anyway.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, and Baekhyun watches every moment closely as if it will give him more insight into why Yixing is saying all of this. “If I take this offer, then I’ll have to move to L.A.” 

“If,” Baekhyun laughs hollowly. His heart is sinking. “You’re gonna take it. I can see it in your eyes. You want to go.” 

“I want this job,” Yixing agrees. “It’s a real position, Baekhyun. With better pay, where I can directly work on the kind of music I want to produce. This is--This is everything I’ve been working toward.” 

And Baekhyun knows that. He does. He’s always been in support of Yixing pursuing his dreams, it’s always been something Baekhyun has loved about him. His passion for music is beautiful and Baekhyun wants him to follow it wherever it takes him but--

“What does this mean for us, then?” Baekhyun asks quietly. Already he’s thinking about a few months ago, when they’d lied in bed together and talked about the future. Their future together, their _life_ together, and it feels suddenly like a faraway dream that Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to feel. 

Yixing reaches out to pull Baekhyun into his side. They’re sitting on the couch and the takeout Yixing had brought home with him is growing cold on the coffee table in front of Baekhyun, but he doesn’t care. His chest aches and his mind is reeling, confused and scared and uncertain. 

“I love you,” Yixing says softly. “I want to be with you.”

“But this job…” Baekhyun says, glancing up at him. “If it was here, I’d be so happy for you--and I _am_ happy for you, Yixing, I really am, but this is in L.A., this is--” 

“I know,” Yixing says and he rubs his hand down Baekhyun’s arm soothingly. It helps, but only a little. “I know. We’re gonna figure it out, okay? We’re gonna make it work. I believe in us.” 

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. He feels like he can’t breathe, suddenly, but he still smiles when Yixing looks at him, smiles when Yixing noses the side of his face and presses a reassuring little kiss to his cheek. 

He closes his eyes and pretends that everything is okay.

 

-

 

10.

“No,” Baekhyun says firmly as he presses a hand to Yixing’s chest and pushes him back into bed. “You’re not going to work like this.” 

“I’m fine, Baekhyun,” Yixing insists. A second later, he’s hacking up a lung, turning away to hide his mouth in his elbow. 

“You’re far from fine, Yixing,” Baekhyun says and he manages to get Yixing back under the covers without too much difficulty this time. When Yixing opens his mouth to protest again, Baekhyun presses a finger to his lips and adds, “Are you trying to make me mad?” 

That has Yixing frowning at him, a little pout to his lips. “No,” he says. “Of course not.” 

“Then just listen and stay home,” Baekhyun says. “I know you’ve got a deadline coming up soon, but they can manage without you for a day. You’ve got a fever and you can barely speak two sentences before coughing like crazy.” 

“But--” 

“No buts,” Baekhyun cuts in. “You’re gonna rest. I’m gonna call Chanyeol and tell him you can’t make it today.” 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says almost pitifully, and Baekhyun glances up at him as he pulls out his phone from his pocket. “Aren’t you late for work?” 

“I took the day off,” Baekhyun says, like it’s obvious. He has a couple of days off available, and his kids can live one day without him trying to teach them how to sing Yankee Doodle without screeching. “Who else is supposed to take care of your stubborn ass?” 

“You’re gonna end up sick, too,” Yixing protests but Baekhyun shakes his head as he sits down on the edge of the bed by Yixing’s side. 

“Nope, not gonna happen,” Baekhyun says grandly. “I’m stronger than you, so I’ll be able to fight it.” 

Yixing snorts in disbelief at Baekhyun’s response, but it turns into another coughing fit. He curls away from Baekhyun to let it out and Baekhyun watches with a frown. He really looks miserable and Baekhyun knows it’s just a cold, but it still makes him feel awful to see Yixing like this. 

“Hey,” he says softly when Yixing slumps back against his pillows. He tugs the blankets up around him, brushes back his hair from his face. “Rest now, okay, babe? I’m gonna take care of you.” 

He leans over to press a kiss to Yixing’s forehead and sits beside him until Yixing falls asleep.

 

-

 

18.

Baekhyun stares out the window from where he sits at the corner table at Minseok’s coffee shop. There’s a young woman looking at phone, a tiny poodle running around by her feet. The poodle barks and barks for attention but she’s too preoccupied to notice, and Baekhyun can just barely hear the sound through the glass. Baekhyun watches on quietly, feels a smile stretch across his face. 

“Ah, there’s that smile of yours,” says a familiar voice, and Baekhyun turns away quickly to find Minseok wandering over from behind the counter. “I’ve been wondering where it’s gone lately.” 

Baekhyun scoffs, turning his back to the window to look down at the table instead. “What’s that supposed to mean? I never smile anymore?” He rolls his eyes. “I’m not nearly that depressed.” 

“You are,” Minseok says, matter of fact, with no room for contradiction. “Baekhyun, you’re barely yourself these days.” 

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun says. He doesn’t look at Minseok, doesn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. “What’s there to be sad about?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Minseok says airily. “Maybe the fact that you broke up with your boyfriend after years of dating because you were too afraid of change?” 

Baekhyun almost spills his mug of hot chocolate all over his laptop. He sets it back down to the table steadily and grips it tighter in his hands, swallows thickly and doesn’t say anything. There’s really not much he _can_ say, when what Minseok said is the truth and they both know it. 

He hears Minseok sigh and then catches sight of him moving to the chair across from Baekhyun. He sits down and Baekhyun knows he’s in for a Lecture, like he hasn’t heard this all before, from Jongdae, from Kyungsoo, from his own mother. Minseok doesn’t say anything though, he just sits there. Baekhyun looks at him curiously, waiting, but Minseok smiles back before he turns his attention to his phone that he’s pulled out of the pocket of the black apron around his waist. 

If he doesn’t want to talk, that’s fine with Baekhyun, too. He’s sure Minseok has something to say eventually, but for now Baekhyun looks down at his laptop, where he still has an email opened from Baekbeom that he was in the middle of answering. 

Sitting here like this, working on his computer while Minseok taps away at his phone, reminds Baekhyun of the times he and Yixing would come here, too. Minseok is always happy to give them a drink or treat on the house, stops by to catch while Yixing would tell Baekhyun stories about the latest music he was writing or Chanyeol’s last gig he missed out on. Yixing always preferred sitting at this table, too, in the corner by the window. He said he got the most inspiration here, giving him an easy view at the people walking past the window as well as those inside the shop, talking with friends or studying alone. 

Baekhyun can’t help but sit here even now, even though it’s not Yixing across from him, even though most days he stops by he’s alone. He remembers how Yixing would share the slice of cake he’d buy or steal Baekhyun’s hot chocolate right out of his hands for a sip. He remembers Yixing scribbling lyrics on sheets of paper, crouched over the table, messy dark hair in his eyes. He remembers Yixing nudging Baekhyun’s ankles with his shoe whenever he wanted Baekhyun’s attention, the way his face would light up whenever Baekhyun looked up at him. He remembers Yixing leaning across the table to kiss the tip of his nose, just because he could. 

It’s been two months since Yixing moved to Los Angeles, two months since Baekhyun said it’d be better for them to break up. Two months, but Baekhyun still sees Yixing everywhere. 

“Minseok,” Baekhyun says quietly. “What am I supposed to do?” 

Minseok puts his phone down and looks up at Baekhyun as if he'd been waiting for Baekhyun to reach out to him. “You miss Yixing a lot, don’t you?” he asks. 

“Too much,” Baekhyun says. “I thought--I thought it’d get easier after awhile, but it’s like it’s getting worse everyday.” 

“Did you really think it’d just go away so easily?” Minseok says with a light chuckle. “You guys were together for years. You spent everyday together. You were _in love_.” He sighs, and Baekhyun does his best not to stand up and just run away from this conversation because it’s already starting to hurt. “I get why you decided to break up,” Minseok continues. “Long distance relationships aren’t easy, and I know you were scared of whether you should follow Yixing to L.A. That’s a pretty normal reaction.” 

Baekhyun nods. He knows as much, but it’s nice, sometimes, to hear it all reaffirmed. 

“But the thing is, Baekhyun,” Minseok says. “You didn’t even give yourselves the chance to try. You just threw in the towel and decided on your own that it wouldn’t be worth it. I would have thought anything would be worth it for you, when it came to Yixing.” 

The words cut through Baekhyun’s heart like a cold knife. He stares at Minseok. His hands are lightly shaking and he clasps them together in his lap, nails digging into his palm hard. Minseok looks at him with a little bit of sadness in his eyes. 

“Is this really what you want?” Minseok asks. “You say you’re fine, but you’re miserable. Yixing’s more than just your boyfriend, Baekhyun. He’s your best friend. And you didn’t even try.” 

“Are you saying I should just pack everything up and live with him in L.A.?” Baekhyun says, his voice coming out a little rough. A part of him wants to yell at Minseok that this isn’t his fault, that he didn’t really do anything _wrong_ , but another part of him, the more insistent part, already knows what Minseok’s saying is true. Baekhyun didn’t give them a chance. Baekhyun ran away before they could. 

“I’m saying you should have tried to stay together instead of letting it all go at once,” Minseok says. “I’m not saying it would have been easy, but at least you could have said you gave it a shot. Instead, you’re moping around pretending that everything is okay, when you miss him so much it’s killing you.” 

“I’m--” Baekhyun cuts himself off quickly, realizing how fast he was willing to insist he was _fine_. Minseok is right about that, too. He isn’t fine. He hasn’t been fine since Yixing left, but he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to make this right. 

“He probably hates me now,” he whispers, his chest aching as he voices the worry that’s truly been plaguing him. In his weakest moments, he has thought about what could happen if he flew to L.A. right now and showed up on Yixing’s doorstep. Every time he imagines Yixing turning him away and it’s most likely just a product of his own self-pity, because Yixing wouldn’t, Yixing would _never_ , and Baekhyun _knows_ that and still--

“He doesn’t hate you,” Minseok laughs. “He would never hate you.” 

It should make Baekhyun feel more relieved, but in reality it makes him more upset. “I’ve hurt him so much, haven’t I?” he whispers. 

“He’ll forgive you,” Minseok says. “If you want to be with him, if you really decide to give this a chance, he will forgive you, Baekhyun.” 

Baekhyun takes a shaky breath and exhales slowly. His eyes are prickling a little, so he closes them for a moment. It’s Yixing’s face that he sees there, too, smiling that fond smile of his that never failed to make Baekhyun’s heart race. Baekhyun hasn’t seen Yixing in two months, but he thinks he loves him more now than ever before. 

When he opens his eyes again, Minseok is looking at him a little expectantly. Baekhyun smiles slowly, lets his hands unclench. His palms still sting a bit, but it’s okay. It’ll heal, like Baekhyun’s heart, like his relationship with Yixing that he knows he can’t let go of yet. 

“I have a lot to think about,” Baekhyun says.

 

-

 

8.

The rush of water from the shower head fills Baekhyun’s ears, but it’s not enough to mask the sounds of Yixing’s low groans as Baekhyun presses his cock into him. 

“Okay?” he whispers into Yixing’s ear, leaning into his back, Yixing’s skin wet and slick but warm under his hands when he settles them on his hips. 

“Yeah,” Yixing breathes out with a laugh. He casts a glance at Baekhyun over his shoulder. “Are you?” 

Baekhyun eases his cock out and then pushes back in. Yixing’s groan echoes in the bathroom and Baekhyun grins wickedly. “What do you think?” he says. 

“I think,” Yixing says slowly, “you should stop teasing and just fuck me like you mean it.” 

Baekhyun laughs, leans forward to press a kiss to Yixing’s neck, lets his tongue peek out to lick the droplets of water that are stuck to his skin before he finds Yixing’s lips. Yixing kisses back hard, his body clenching around Baekhyun’s cock, and Baekhyun gasps into Yixing’s mouth, feels the way he smirks. 

“As you wish,” Baekhyun says. They’ve got about thirty minutes before they need to leave for their respective classes, and Baekhyun is gonna make every minute count.

 

-

 

5.

Baekhyun lounges out on the grass on his stomach, staring down at his open textbook but not reading much of anything. The campus grounds are full of students on this warm Thursday afternoon and Baekhyun enjoys all the noise, the frat boys down the way yelling as they toss a football around, the group a few feet away who are loudly memorizing lines for their Japanese class. Even beside him, Chanyeol is singing to the Muse song he’s listening to, tapping his pen against his own notebook in time to the music, and Baekhyun watches him for awhile because it’s more entertaining than his studies, and when Chanyeol catches his attention, he quirks a brow at him curiously. 

“I hate homework,” Baekhyun says in way of explanation, and Chanyeol snorts. 

“That’s why your grades suck,” he says, pulling his earphones out of his ears. “Study a little harder for once.” 

Baekhyun whines, shoving his book away from him. “No thanks,” he says. “I’ll just fail all my classes and drop out.” 

“Yeah? And what will you do after that?” Chanyeol asks. 

Baekhyun shrugs. “Follow Yixing around,” he says. “Once he becomes a famous music producer, he can be my sugar daddy.” 

“You’ve got it all figured out, huh,” Chanyeol laughs and Baekhyun flashes him a grin. 

“Got what figured out?” says none other than Yixing himself, materializing from out of thin air and startling Baekhyun and Chanyeol so much they practically scream. Yixing looks down at Baekhyun with an amused smirk on his face and Jongdae, who had come with Yixing, smacks Chanyeol in the arm to get him to shut up as he flops down onto the ground beside him. 

“Baekhyun wants you to be his sugar daddy,” supplies Chanyeol once he’s calmed down, and Baekhyun feels his face heat up as Yixing rests his backpack on the ground and settles himself right over Baekhyun’s back like a human blanket.

“Is that so?” he asks, amused, and Baekhyun cranes his neck to look at him over his shoulder. 

“I was kidding,” Baekhyun says. “Mostly.” 

Yixing laughs, dips down to press a kiss to Baekhyun’s back through his shirt. “I wouldn’t mind taking care of you like that,” he says and Baekhyun weirdly feels his heart melt at the admission. Yixing is always taking care of him, so this shouldn’t be much of a surprise. “But I’m good with the way things are right now.” 

“Me too,” Baekhyun says, and this time Yixing leans forward to kiss his lips. “I really was just kidding.” 

“Sure you were,” Jongdae says with a roll of his eyes. He’s stretching his legs out in front of him, leaning against Chanyeol’s side. “You’re lucky Yixing just goes along with your weird instead of running for the hills.” 

“I’m too cute to break up with,” Baekhyun says grandly and both Chanyeol and Jongdae groan at him while Yixing laughs into the crook of Baekhyun’s neck, his breath tickling the skin that Baekhyun squirms and tries to move away. Yixing’s body on top of his makes that difficult, but Baekhyun doesn’t mind it one bit, pulling his book back to him to use as a pillow. Yixing’s arms wind around Baekhyun’s chest and he notches his chin over his shoulder, snuggles him even closer. 

“I can’t believe you guys have only been together for two weeks,” Jongdae says, eyeing them critically. The slight curve of his lips says he’s more amused than anything though. “It’s like you’re married.” 

“They kind of _are_ married,” Chanyeol says without even looking up from his notes. 

“We’re not that bad,” Baekhyun protests, throwing his pencil at Chanyeol’s face but ending up hitting his shoulder instead. It falls to Chanyeol’s knee on the way down before toppling to the ground and Chanyeol picks it right up to throw it back at Baekhyun. 

“Hey!” Baekhyun shouts, but Yixing quickly tightens his grip around Baekhyun’s body and rolls them out of the way, laughing. Baekhyun falls onto his back with a groan and Yixing slides off of him instead to sit up properly, crossing his legs out in front of him. Whining, Baekhyun crawls over and rests his head in Yixing’s lap and Yixing indulgently smiles down at him, runs a hand through his hair. 

Baekhyun catches Jongdae and Chanyeol’s amused looks and feels himself flush as he remembers what they’d just said minutes ago. “Shut up,” he says, before they can say anything more, and closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see them smirk. With Yixing’s hand softly in his hair, a nap sounds like a very good idea.

 

-

 

19.

“Are you alright?” Jongdae asks gently, sliding his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and giving him a little squeeze. “You’re looking kinda green.” 

Baekhyun lets out a huff of a laugh and nods even though it’s not true. He’s panicking. He thinks he might throw up at any moment all over Jongdae’s shoes. That’d be a great repayment for begging Jongdae to come all the way to Los Angeles with him, because the prospect of going to see Yixing terrified Baekhyun. He’s even more terrified now that they’re actually here, having landed an hour ago and now checking into their hotel. 

“I’m fine,” he answers belatedly and Jongdae squeezes him again. 

“It’s okay if you’re not,” he says. “I know this isn’t easy for you.” 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Baekhyun breathes. “Is it too late to go back?” 

“Yes,” says Jongdae, once he’s thanked the girl behind the reception desk and takes the keycards she hands them for their room. He releases Baekhyun’s shoulders to pick his duffel bag from the floor and Baekhyun follows, wheeling his small suitcase behind him to the elevators. “Just try to relax, okay? We’re not seeing Yixing until tomorrow. You have some time.” 

“That’s what’s making this so hard,” Baekhyun says. “We should’ve just met him today.” 

“You’re not gonna win him back when you look like that,” Jongdae says as they step out onto their floor, and when Baekhyun sighs dejectedly, he nudges him slightly in the side with his elbow. “I’m kidding. He’d take you back even if you looked like roadkill.” 

“Thanks,” Baekhyun says dryly, but he does crack a little smile at that. It’s easier said than done, trying to relax, but he knows Jongdae is right. He can’t continue to let himself get so worked up. This is Yixing. Despite everything, Yixing is Baekhyun’s friend, is still incredibly important to him. Sure, they haven’t talked since Yixing moved away, but Baekhyun remembers what Yixing said the day he left. _I’ll always love you_. Baekhyun just has to have faith that hasn’t changed. 

They’re only here for the weekend, so they’d booked the cheapest hotel near Yixing’s apartment. The thing is, Yixing doesn’t actually know Baekhyun is here. It’d been Jongdae who had contacted him, asked if Yixing was free to hang out for the weekend while Jongdae was in town for work. That part of it wasn’t exactly true, but Jongdae had agreed to help Baekhyun out after Baekhyun whined at him for the better part of an hour and promised to pay for his airfare. 

It’d taken just a little bit of wrangling for Yixing to let Jongdae book a hotel instead of staying at his apartment like he’d offered, but Jongdae had managed. Baekhyun didn’t just want to show up on Yixing’s doorstep and ambush him. Not that meeting him tomorrow for lunch is much different, but at least in a more public place, they can take it easy, let the food and Jongdae act as a mediator. 

“Everything’s gonna work out,” Jongdae says, flopping onto the bed beside Baekhyun and stretching out like a cat. He rolls into Baekhyun’s side and hugs him comfortingly, and it makes Baekhyun sigh, tension bleeding from his body. “You’ll see.” 

“I hope so,” Baekhyun whispers and does his best to believe. 

Jongdae is really good at keeping Baekhyun distracted. Baekhyun is dragged along to all the sights they can manage to see that don’t cost an arm and a leg and they treat themselves to too much food and buy souvenirs that they don’t need. When they make it back to the hotel, Jongdae orders a pizza for dinner while Baekhyun channel surfs through the television, and they sit on the bed as they eat and talk and Baekhyun is so glad that Jongdae came along with him, because he doesn’t think he could have done this alone. 

“You’re a good friend,” Baekhyun tells him before they go to sleep and Jongdae snorts into his pillow but wholeheartedly agrees. 

In the morning, all of Baekhyun’s anxiety comes rushing back. He really might throw up today. Jongdae shoves him into the shower and then practically picks Baekhyun’s outfit for him out of the few changes of clothes he’d packed in his suitcase. “I know you’ve been miserable without Yixing, but you don’t need to _look_ like it,” he says, thrusting the hair dryer in the bathroom into Baekhyun’s hands. 

By the time they leave to meet Yixing at the restaurant he’d picked about twenty minutes ago, Baekhyun is a nervous wreck. He can’t stay still, bouncing a foot up and down through the whole car ride until Jongdae gets so fed up he holds his knee down with a hand, and once they’re seated at a table, he keeps fiddling with his phone, with the menu, with the salt and pepper shakers resting in the middle. Jongdae gives him slightly exasperated, mostly worried looks, but Baekhyun doesn’t know how to shake his feeling away. 

“I think that’s him,” Jongdae says after they’ve been waiting for ten minutes and Baekhyun freezes in his seat, feels his heart almost stop in his chest. “Breathe, Baekhyun, please. You don’t need to pass out on him, okay?” 

“R-Right,” Baekhyun says, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. His palms are sweaty, and he runs them down the front of his jeans. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Jongdae whispers once more before he’s standing and waving Yixing over. 

Baekhyun rises to his feet, too. He steels himself. It’s just Yixing. Yixing, who is kind and sweet and wonderful, who never stayed mad at anyone for long, and especially not Baekhyun. Yixing, who Baekhyun loves so much. Who hopefully still loves Baekhyun just as much. 

“Jongdae!” says Yixing’s familiar voice, full of life, cutting right through Baekhyun’s heart. “I’m sorry I’m late, I--” 

He stops, suddenly, and Baekhyun knows it’s because he’s reached their table, he can see Yixing standing there out of the corner of his eye. He takes one last steadying breath, and then turns to look at him, too. 

Yixing is just as Baekhyun remembers, confident, handsome, wearing a shirt with a collar that’s too low. His hair is shorter now. He still has on the earring Baekhyun gave him for his last birthday, and it catches the light of the sun through the window when he takes a tiny step closer. 

“Baekhyun?” he says, like he can’t believe that Baekhyun is there, just two feet away, breathing the same air. 

“Hi, Yixing,” Baekhyun says with a small smile, and he’s not sure what to expect in response, but Yixing closing the space between them to pull Baekhyun into a hug is most definitely _not_ it. 

He still smells the same, too, Baekhyun realizes, the rich warmth of sandalwood, mixed in with that freshness of his laundry detergent. He feels the same, too, radiating heat even from the brief moment that they’re pressed together. Baekhyun wants to hold onto him longer, breathe him in, feel every inch of his body, but Yixing’s draws away before he can and is rounding the table to hug Jongdae, too. 

Baekhyun’s chest aches already. 

“I can’t believe you’re both here,” Yixing says, smiling that smile of his that Baekhyun fell for all those years ago. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” 

It takes Baekhyun a moment to realize Yixing is talking to him. “Oh,” he says, refocusing his attention on the conversation instead of trying to examine every line and curve of Yixing’s face. “It was a last minute thing. Thought we’d surprise you.” 

“I’m definitely surprised,” Yixing agrees as they all sit back down at the table, Yixing taking the chair beside Jongdae and directly across from Baekhyun. 

“Is it a good kind of surprised?” Baekhyun finds himself asking. 

Yixing looks at him, really seems to look at him, and Baekhyun stares back, unbreathing, unsure what to even think because right now he can’t read him at all, and Baekhyun hates that. “Yes,” he says finally. “It is.” 

Baekhyun drops his gaze. He’s not sure if this answer makes him relieved or simply more nervous. 

Thankfully Jongdae comes to his rescue, suggesting they order now and asking Yixing what’s good here. Baekhyun doesn’t think he can stomach anything, honestly, so he orders a salad and says he’s been trying to diet when Yixing questions him about it. Yixing opens his mouth to say something else, but then closes it and looks away, and Baekhyun wonders if he was going to reprimand him, maybe tell him he looks beautiful just as he is, the way he had done years ago when Baekhyun had first started to work out properly with Minseok and Jongdae. 

He can’t say that now, though, because Baekhyun isn’t his boyfriend anymore. Baekhyun is barely even his friend, because Baekhyun had cut off all ties with Yixing and made no attempt to keep even the tiniest thread alive between them. 

Baekhyun closes his eyes and takes another steadying breath, pushes the thoughts aside. He hears Jongdae ask Yixing about work and he opens his eyes again to see Yixing’s face light up. 

“It’s great,” he says and it’s clear in his voice that he’s happy. “The people I work with are so creative and we’re making the music I’ve always thought about making, you know?” He smiles wider as he talks. “It’s a lot of hard work but I’m having so much fun.” 

“What kind of music have you been writing?” Jongdae asks, looking at him curiously. “Anything you can show us, or is it all top secret?” 

Yixing laughs brightly and Baekhyun’s chest squeezes around his heart. He’s pulling his phone out of his pocket and says, “It’s kind of top secret but I think I can show you.” 

Baekhyun watches as he taps away at his phone, brings up the media player and presses play. It’s been ages since Baekhyun has listened to any of Yixing’s work. He has a whole playlist of songs Yixing had written and recorded over the years on his phone but he hasn’t touched it since he left. This song, even without any words, is soft and melodic, and kind of wistful, and has Yixing’s touch all over it. Baekhyun would know, because he had spent so many days curled up on Yixing’s bed as he wrote music in his apartment, or sitting in the corner of one of the practice rooms on campus as Yixing played guitar and let his gentle voice fill up the room as he sang along. 

“It’s beautiful,” Baekhyun says and when he glances up, he realizes Yixing’s been watching him. He flushes, drops his gaze and sits back in his seat. 

“Yeah,” says Jongdae. “It’s really good, Yixing. Are we gonna hear it on the radio anytime soon?” 

Yixing laughs again, picking his phone up to end the song. “There’s still awhile to go until that,” he says. “But I’ll let you know when it does.” 

Jongdae nudges Yixing’s side with an elbow and says, “You’d better.” 

Their food arrives soon after that and Baekhyun is grateful for something to do with his hands, something other than Yixing to focus his attention on. He’s still not very hungry so he slowly picks his way through his salad, listening on as Yixing asks Jongdae about work and about his girlfriend. Jongdae keeps conversation flowing easily and Baekhyun starts to relax a little more with each passing minute, speaking up even when he’s not directly asked a question. 

It’s weird, though. He can’t shake this unsettled feeling. Baekhyun isn’t sure what he expected when he’d see Yixing again, but he doesn’t like how uncertain it all is. He doesn’t know what to think. Yixing sits across from him acting completely normal, like he isn’t bothered one bit by Baekhyun being there, or by the fact that they’re not together. He’s smiling and laughing at Jongdae’s stories. He’s telling them enthusiastically about his roommate Lu Han, about the people he works with, the projects he has coming up.

Yixing is as lively and positive and wonderful as Baekhyun remembers. He isn’t itching to reach across the table to touch Baekhyun, he isn’t staring at him like he misses him or is remembering their past or anything that is slowly but surely driving Baekhyun completely crazy. Baekhyun wants to touch him, wants to hold him, wants to tell him how sorry he is for everything, for breaking up with him, for not talking to him for nearly three months, for being so afraid he didn’t know what to do. 

It all becomes too much. Baekhyun can’t keep on a straight face any longer, can’t even stomach looking at Yixing without feeling like he’s ruined everything. 

He’s on his feet before he even realizes it, and he mumbles out something like, “I need some air,” and marches straight out of the exit without looking back. 

There isn’t really anywhere to go, but at least out here with the sounds of cars honking, the wind in his face, he doesn’t feel as suffocated. He runs a hand through his hair, walks back and forth in front of the entrance to the restaurant until he almost bumps into someone and realizes he should probably move out of the way. 

The restaurant is at the corner of the block, so Baekhyun turns down the side road to sit on the edge of the curb so he’s not right in front of the main traffic. He pulls his knees close and rests his forehead on them and takes a few long, deep breaths. 

“This was a mistake,” he says to himself. 

“What was?” says Yixing as he sits down beside him, startling Baekhyun so much he practically gets whiplash looking up at him. 

Baekhyun gapes at him. He had expected Jongdae to run after him, not Yixing. He doesn’t know what to say. 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing continues, and just the sound of his name in Yixing’s voice makes Baekhyun want to cry. “Are you okay?” 

“I miss you,” Baekhyun blurts out and it’s like the lid on all of his feelings just pops straight off. “I miss you so much it hurts.” Yixing’s eyes are wide now, like he definitely wasn’t expecting this, and Baekhyun can’t blame him, but can’t find it in himself to stop. “And the truth is that it was my idea to come see you because I missed you and I wanted to talk to you and I wanted to see how you were doing, and you look so good, Yixing, and I’m really happy that you’re doing so well here, but I _miss_ you and I know,” Baekhyun sucks in a shaky breath, tries not to let the tears stinging behind his eyes fall free, “I _know_ I shouldn’t be saying this when I was the one who broke it all off, who pushed you away, but fuck, I was so scared, I didn’t know what would would happen to us, I didn’t think I could do it, so it seemed easier to end things, but it wasn’t easy, it was awful, Yixing, because I miss you and I’ve realized that I’m more afraid of losing you forever than I am of anything else and I--”

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says gently, reaching a hand out toward him, but Baekhyun needs to get this out, he needs to or he will never forgive himself. 

“I love you,” he says honestly. Yixing’s mouth parts open in surprise and he lets his hand fall back to his lap. He’s staring at Baekhyun like he’s never seen him before. “I love you so much, and I’m so sorry Yixing. I’m sorry for everything.” Baekhyun is definitely crying now, hastily rubbing at his eyes with his palms as he continues. “I’d understand if you hate me, if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, but I came here in the off chance that maybe you still love me, too.”

That’s it. That’s all that Baekhyun can say. He sniffles quietly and stares at a spot just above Yixing’s shoulder so he doesn’t have to see the rejection on his face. His heart is so loud in his ears he can barely hear anything else but this is it. This is all the worries and guilt and frustration that has consumed Baekhyun whole from the moment Yixing had told him he’d accepted the job in L.A. and the moment Baekhyun had told him that they should break up. 

He’s expecting Yixing to tell him he’s an idiot, to tell him he’s too late, to tell him that he’s not ready to go back into a relationship, but maybe they could stay friends. Baekhyun would be okay with that. 

Instead, Baekhyun’s pulled from his agonizing thoughts to the sound of Yixing’s soft laughter, and when Baekhyun meets his gaze, his eyes are fond. Yixing reaches out with his hands to gently wipe away the tears still clinging to the corner of Baekhyun’s eyes and Baekhyun practically whimpers at the touch, butterflies flying suddenly loose in his stomach. He holds his breath at the way Yixing smiles at him. He doesn’t dare hope, and yet--

“I told you, didn’t I?” Yixing says. “That I will always love you.” 

Baekhyun is going to cry again, he knows it. “You did,” he whispers. 

“Then why do you think that’s changed?” Yixing asks.

“I don’t know.” 

Yixing gently lets his hands cup Baekhyun’s face and he looks at him with so much affection in his eyes, so much love, that Baekhyun feels like he must be dreaming. “I guess I’ll just have to keep reminding you, then,” he says, and he doesn’t sound upset about this at all, but amused. “I’ll always love you, Baekhyun. Even when you’re afraid, even when you have doubts, even when you’re across the country and don’t want anything to do with me, I will love you.” 

The tears are threatening to spill again but Baekhyun blinks them back as he laughs, reaches up to hold his hands over Yixing’s. “I’m so sorry,” he says, but Yixing shakes his head, dismisses his apology like Baekhyun hasn’t made the biggest mistake ever by breaking up with him, and does what Baekhyun’s been aching to do ever since Yixing walked into the restaurant an hour ago. 

He leans forward and kisses Baekhyun softly on the mouth. 

Baekhyun’s heart is soaring. He can’t seem to decide if he wants to cry at the incredulous of this all, laugh because he’s so happy, or keep kissing Yixing until their lips are bruised and swollen. So he does all three in varying degrees, laughing into Yixing's mouth as they kiss, again and again and again, like they’re both equally starved for it, and is probably smudging all the eyeliner Jongdae had told him to put on that morning from the tears that just won’t quit. 

He’s a mess, but Yixing is still here, smiling at him, holding his face in his hands, whispering, “I love you,” between every kiss, and Baekhyun believes him with all his heart. Baekhyun loves him with all his heart. 

He was scared before, and he still is, now, because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen, what all of this really means for them, but he realizes running away was never the answer, not when Yixing makes him feel so safe. 

“Thank you,” Baekhyun says as he kisses Yixing once more. Thank you for loving me, Baekhyun thinks, for not giving up on me, for waiting for me. He doesn’t have to say any of that, because he can tell Yixing knows. 

Yixing who smiles and wipes away Baekhyun’s tears once again, and pulls him into his arms in a way that feels completely different from the hug he’d given Baekhyun earlier, but also so right, and says, “I missed you, too.”

 

-

 

20.

Baekhyun practically flies off the couch the second he hears the knock at the door. He yanks it open and flings himself into Yixing’s body, Yixing’s breathless laughter in his ears as he stumbles backward just a bit before grounding himself, his arms coming up to wrap around Baekhyun’s waist. 

“Excited to see me, huh?” he asks, petting down the hair at the back of Baekhyun’s neck. 

“Not at all,” Baekhyun returns. He’d very much like to stay attached to Yixing like this, maybe curl his legs around him too like a human koala, let Yixing carry him inside, but he steps back after one last squeeze and picks up Yixing’s duffel bag from where it’s fallen to the crook of his elbow. He beams at his boyfriend. “Come on,” he says, and leads him inside. 

“Is Sehun here?” Yixing asks, glancing around the place once he’s removed his shoes at the door and followed Baekhyun into the living room. 

“He’s at Jongin’s,” Baekhyun answers as he sets Yixing’s bag by the coffee table. “Said something about not wanting to be around when you came by because we’d end up making out on the couch and taint his innocent eyes.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. 

Yixing just smirks at him. “Is he wrong?” he says, sitting on the couch and patting the space beside him. Baekhyun flies right back into the empty space, twists around for a moment before deciding there’s a much better place for him to sit. He crawls into Yixing’s lap instead. 

“No,” Baekhyun says with a grin, and takes Yixing’s face in his hands to lean down and kiss him. 

It’s been a month since Baekhyun saw Yixing last, when he’d flown to Los Angeles and attempted to repair what he’d broken. Kissing Yixing now is like an indulgence. It’s not something he gets to have everyday, so when he does, it’s all his longing, all his desperation, all his desire, all his love pouring out into the press of their lips. Yixing kisses back gently, softly, like he’s taking his time to drink in every sound Baekhyun makes, every move of his mouth, his tongue, tastes him slowly and fully, and by the time they part, minutes, hours, later, Baekhyun is breathless and flushed and so incredibly happy. 

“Are you tired?” Baekhyun asks. The flight from L.A. isn’t that long, but Yixing’s been working hard the past two weeks, wrapping up his latest project so he could take the weekend to come visit Baekhyun when he finished. 

Yixing shakes his head. “I’m actually starving,” he says. “Wanna take a guy out for dinner?” 

Baekhyun laughs and dips down for one last kiss. “Sure,” he says, climbing off Yixing’s lap and holding his hands out for Yixing to take. “What’re you in the mood for?” He hauls Yixing up to his feet, squeezes his hands once before he lets go and then runs down to his room to grab his wallet and keys. He pats his back pocket to check for his phone and then heads with Yixing to the door. 

“Anything is fine with me,” Yixing says. “As long as I get to have you as company.” 

“Gross,” Baekhyun says, even as he blushes, and he swats Yixing’s shoulder as they leave the apartment. 

Having Yixing back in NYC feels both familiar and strange. Yixing holds his hand as they walk down the sidewalk, knowing exactly where to go like he hasn’t moved away at all, and Baekhyun’s heart feels warm at just having him there beside him. 

They end up getting ramen nearby and Baekhyun rests his elbow on the table after they’ve ordered, sets his chin in his palm and stares at Yixing in front of him. Yixing, delightfully, turns a little pink at the attention and says, “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun says, shrugging a shoulder. “I just wanna look at you.” 

Yixing narrows his eyes, suspicious, and reaches a hand out to poke Baekhyun’s nose. Baekhyun scrunches his face and Yixing laughs softly. “You just saw my face the other day when we skyped. I don’t think it’s changed much since then.” 

“It’s not the same,” Baekhyun protests. “I’m trying to memorize your face.” 

“It’s only been a month, Baekhyun,” Yixing teases. “Have you forgotten me that fast?” 

Baekhyun sticks his tongue out at him, but smiles when it only makes Yixing smile. “You know what I mean,” he says, and Yixing slides his hand across the table to take Baekhyun’s free hand in his to gently squeeze. 

“I do,” he says. “I’m really glad to be here, to see you.” 

“You’d better,” Baekhyun returns and Yixing laughs. 

It might have only been a month, but leaving Yixing in L.A. had been almost as awful as when Yixing had moved away the first time. The weekend they had together hadn’t been enough to make up for two whole months and it’d been hard to pack up and board the plane when all he wanted was to make himself at home in Yixing’s small bed, wrap himself around Yixing and never let go again. 

The past month hasn’t been easy either. Yixing is busy, the time difference might only be a few hours but it still gets in the way, and there have been more missed phone calls and late texts than they’d like. But the times when they do, it’s wonderful. It’s Yixing’s sweet voice in Baekhyun’s ear, it’s his face smiling at him through the webcam, hair wet from a fresh shower, it’s the texts that say nothing more than _I love you_ , sent at random moments throughout the day when Yixing’s thinking about him. It’s the night Baekhyun had called Yixing in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep and missed him so much and Yixing had made him come by whispering all the filthy things he planned to do to Baekhyun when he finally visited. 

Baekhyun feels himself flush just thinking about it now, and the corner of Yixing’s mouth quirks up like he knows. “You okay?” he asks and Baekhyun nods wordlessly, picking up his glass of water to take gulp half of it down. “You’re adorable.” 

“You’re a menace,” Baekhyun says back and Yixing’s eyes gleam in amusement. 

“I think being a menace would be me telling you how much I want to touch you right now,” Yixing says in a low voice. 

Baekhyun chokes on nothing at how easily Yixing says it. “We _could_ have been doing just that,” he says after a moment. “But you’re the one who said you wanted to eat.” 

“Gotta have the energy for when I fuck you into your bed later,” Yixing says and Baekhyun groans loudly as he slumps back in his seat. 

“Let’s go home,” he says and Yixing just chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Later,” Yixing says, his voice full of promise. 

Thankfully their food arrives shortly after and Baekhyun’s able to push aside his arousal to focus on eating. It’s easy to fall into conversation with Yixing now, nothing like it’d been the last time. They talk almost endlessly, updating each other on everything that’s happened since they last spoke, which was only two days ago, and it’s comfortable, it’s pleasant, it’s everything that Baekhyun remembers from how things were before. There are a few moments, when they slip up, when Yixing mentions something that Baekhyun doesn’t know, and with an awkward pause and Baekhyun’s stomach in knots, they realize it’d happened during those two months they hadn’t spoken at all. 

The uncomfortable moment doesn’t last long but it reminds them of everything they still need to overcome. So they talk it out together, and they make up for the time they were apart. Baekhyun still feels guilty, sometimes, but everyday that Yixing calls him, or texts him, or sends him pointless photos of his lunch helps that guilt fade away into the love that has never once left. 

“What’re you thinking about so intently?” Yixing asks suddenly, cutting through Baekhyun’s thoughts, and Baekhyun says simply, “You,” and cackles when Yixing makes a cutely disgruntled expression in return. 

They pick up ice cream from the corner store before heading back to the apartment, and Yixing disappears into the kitchen to retrieve spoons as Baekhyun stretches out on the couch. Yixing flops himself right over Baekhyun when he returns, laughing at Baekhyun’s yelp, and then kisses him soundly on the mouth to shut him up. 

“Still no Sehun?” Yixing asks. 

Baekhyun huffs. “Did you come here to see me or see my roommate?” he demands. 

“Sehun, obviously,” Yixing says and his laughter fills up the apartment when Baekhyun attacks his sides with his fingers. “Kidding, kidding, I’m sorry!” 

Baekhyun huffs again but Yixing presses another kiss to his lips in consolation and Baekhyun, as always, melts. Yixing smirks at him knowingly and sits up, grabbing the ice cream from the coffee table and cracking open the lid. 

“What’s it like living with Sehun anyway?” Yixing asks. 

“The worst,” Baekhyun says. “I’d much rather have you as my roommate again.” When Yixing looks at him a little sadly, Baekhyun adds, “He’s not so bad. He keeps the place pretty clean, but he never restocks the fridge, and I don’t think he knows how to use the stove. He does pay the bills on time so it could be worse.” 

Sehun had only moved in about two weeks ago. Even though everything with Yixing was better, Baekhyun could still feel the memories of their life together in every corner of the apartment. It reminded him of how things were, and after the last few months of the stifling silence, realized he couldn’t deal with it anymore. It’d been lucky that Sehun had been meaning to look for a new place anyway, closer to his job, so Baekhyun didn’t hesitate to offer up the room Yixing had used as a studio. 

“I’m glad,” Yixing says, handing the ice cream to Baekhyun, who takes another spoonful. “I was worried.” 

“Well, nothing to worry about anymore,” Baekhyun says cheerfully but Yixing snorts. 

“I’m always worrying about you, Baekhyun,” he says fondly. “If you’re eating okay, if you’re taking care of yourself, if you’re happy.” 

Baekhyun’s heart aches as he looks at Yixing. It never ceases to fluster him how Yixing can say these things so easily, but Yixing has always been so amazingly sincere, he shouldn’t be surprised by it now. 

“I could say the same about you,” Baekhyun responds, because he wonders these things, too. “You’re the one with the long work hours and I know how you always skip meals when you’re busy. I hope your weird roommate takes care of you properly.” He pouts, stabs his spoon into the ice cream. 

“Lu Han can barely take care of himself,” Yixing laughs. 

“Well, he better learn how to because someday I might be kicking him out of that place,” Baekhyun says, and Yixing smiles warmly at him in response, dropping a hand to pat Baekhyun’s thigh. 

“I’d like that,” he says. 

Baekhyun just bites his lip and nods, making no promises. They don’t know what the future holds, but Baekhyun is much more open to change than he was a couple of months ago. He’s already started looking at teaching positions in the area around where Yixing lives, and even discussed the matter with Minseok, who always gives Baekhyun the best advice. 

“I can teach music from anywhere, right?” Baekhyun had said, and Minseok laughed, “It took you this long to realize that?” 

It doesn’t mean that Baekhyun’s ready to quit his job just yet, but he’s no longer completely opposed to the idea. He and Yixing are still giving the long-distance thing a shot. It’s only been a month, and it’s impossible to tell how it’s going to go from here, but Baekhyun thinks they’ve been doing well enough so far. Soon it will be spring break for Baekhyun’s school district, and he’s already set aside some savings to fly back to L.A. to spend a few days more with Yixing. Maybe L.A. will grow on him, maybe it won’t. Baekhyun just knows that he’s willing to try and figure out what works best for him, and for the two of them, in order to stay together. That’s all he wants. To be with Yixing. 

“I’m happy you’re here,” Baekhyun says softly, honestly, and Yixing looks over at him with his spoon in his mouth, eyes shining, and Baekhyun has never felt more in love. 

“Me too, Baekhyun,” Yixing says, sliding his free hand around Baekhyun’s nape to draw him closer. “Me, too.” 

Yixing’s kiss tastes like chocolate, tastes like home and feels like love, and Baekhyun doesn't ever want to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. [here](http://imgur.com/2sKmHff) is a list of all of the prompts in the order they appeared in the fic. [here](http://imgur.com/2WnrZ2L) is a list of the prompts in chronological order (the way they were numbered in the fic). 
> 
> 2\. ahhh if you read this, thank you very much. ╥﹏╥ i really hope you enjoyed! ╥﹏╥ 
> 
> 3\. pls love baekxing lots ok bye  
> 
> 
> come say hi on [twitter](http://twitter.com/xingkais) | [ask.fm](http://ask.fm/koiyake) | [tumblr](http://koiyake.tumblr.com)


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